Joke thread

[Sam101]

 

[Sam101]

 

[Sam101]

I just applied for a job at the Citroen museum.

Had to send in 2 CVs....

 

[Sam101]

 

[sir baconface]

View attachment 179468

Hundreds of years ago, long before memes and internet were invented, I recall a much-photocopied cartoon in circulation. It depicted a guy with the most humungous erection ever** with the caption “You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille”.



** VAR check: yes, even by my own standards.

 

[Vienna_70]

View attachment 179477

Apart from the fact that William the Conqueror and his soldiers came from Normandy, it’s very funny.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[chris63]

I was cleaning the attic with the wife.
Dirty, filthy and full of cobwebs,
But she's good with the kids.

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Hehe the presenters were shitting it as they were live in case they said something iffy.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Hiking in your 60s is a great way to meet new people.

Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist and nearly met Jesus.

 

[bluetonium]

Don't quite know with Shaun if he's just plain talking or poking at their lack of research and diligence. On the BBC that one though.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Don't quite know with Shaun if he's just plain talking or poking at their lack of research and diligence. On the BBC that one though.

It’s a bad look when Shaun Ryder is more coherent than you.

 

[Sam101]

 

[Southern KK]

I was cleaning the attic with the wife.
Dirty, filthy and full of cobwebs,
But she's good with the kids.

 

[Sam101]

Clive: Let's form a band.


Ulrika: What shall we call ourselves?


Nigel: How about naming ourselves like ABBA?


Tracey: Bad idea.

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

A man walks in to the doctors with genital issues… The doctor says "Take off your pants and ill take a look". The man pulls them down and reveals his penis, which is barely the size of a tictac. The doctor tries not to laugh but can't resist. The man gets embarrassed and pulls them back up.

"I'm really sorry" says the doctor, "i don't know what came over me..let me take another look" The man shows him again and the doctor, this time starts crying with laughter, tears rolling down his face. He has to walk out of the room, compose himself and come back in.

"This is really unprofessional of me! I am so sorry. Let's just start again and I promise I wont laugh!"

The man pulls them down yet again and the doctor, holding himself together says "Ok sir, what seems to be the problem?"

The man says.."Its ... swollen."

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[bellsouth]

Apart from the fact that William the Conqueror and his soldiers came from Normandy, it’s very funny.

There were many Bretons fighting at Hastings, they were key allies of Duke William. Sorry

 

[Vienna_70]

There were many Bretons fighting at Hastings, they were key allies of Duke William. Sorry

No need to apologise. My remark was tongue-in-cheek.

I didn’t know that.

However, while on holiday in Finistère with my French / Breton friends (host family from a school exchange) they showed me an account of a battle during one of the Anglo/French wars, in which the Breton soldiers on the French side were singing a battle song.

The chorus came back from the Cornish soldiers in the English army.

Cornish and Breton have 85% common words.

 

[Sam101]

Sent my frog off for DNA testing.

Turns out he's 60% German 39% Czech and a tad Pole.