Joke thread

In the countryside this guy was waiting for the hourly local bus. When he got on he found that all the seats were taken except for one next to a young nun. So he sat down. After a few minutes he looked at her and was instantly smitten with lust. He said "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Would you consider giving up your vocation and marrying me?" She blushed prettily and replied "I cannot possibly do that as I'm married to Jesus."

The guy's stop arrived and as he prepared to dismount the driver said quietly. "I heard all that. You certainly got her going there. She seems a bit fruity.The next stop is the Priory and I happen to know that she does her morning devotions at first light down by the pond by the old great oak tree. You should be there tomorrow"

The guy goes home and thinks hard. Next morning at half light, dressed in long flowing robes, stick on long brown wig and beard and open toe sandals he's waiting by the pond. In the gloom he discerns the figure of the approaching nun and immediately leaps out."

She screams "JESUS CHRIST." He replies "Correct I have come down from heaven to consummate our marriage."

She moans "It's a bit difficult Jesus as I'm on my monthly cycle" He feels his throbbing manhood and pushes her roughly against the oak tree and takes her up the rear. Immediately he feels remorse after his anal entry and apologises profusely. He says "I've got a confession to make. I'm not really Jesus. I'm the guy on the bus yesterday."

The nun replies "I've got a confession and all. I'm not really the nun. I'm the bus driver.
 
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Careful what you buy online - a bloke I know bought a penis enlarger - they sent him a magnifying glass.
Years ago, before t'interweb, a mail order firm advertised an item to cut all your utility bills in half.... you received a pair of those childrens plastic scissors. And...I believe David Gold, chairman of WHU, started out in the porn industry selling pictures of ' women with animals '........ It was bikini clad women on horseback
 
Years ago, before t'interweb, a mail order firm advertised an item to cut all your utility bills in half.... you received a pair of those childrens plastic scissors. And...I believe David Gold, chairman of WHU, started out in the porn industry selling pictures of ' women with animals '........ It was bikini clad women on horseback
ha ha nice deception, Kyle needs to think of something similar when facing the City hierarchy. :)
 

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