Joke thread

[mosssideblue]

 

[mosssideblue]

 

[bladdered]

 

[bladdered]

Barber: What would you like?
Him: Short back and barcode please

 

[jimharri]

 

[Tuearts right boot]

View attachment 181565

I like that.



I like it lots..........

 

[johnny crossan]

"The Pope is in Liverpool handing out miracles to kids.
Young Billy gets on stage and asks the Pope “Can you help me with my hearing?”

The Pope says “yes” and puts his hands on Billy’s ears, and prays. He removes his hands and says “How is your hearing now?”

Billy says “I don’t know, it’s not ‘til next Wednesday”

 

[Uncle Wally One Ball]

"The Pope is in Liverpool handing out miracles to kids.
Young Billy gets on stage and asks the Pope “Can you help me with my hearing?”

The Pope says “yes” and puts his hands on Billy’s ears, and prays. He removes his hands and says “How is your hearing now?”

Billy says “I don’t know, it’s not ‘til next Wednesday”

Thats about right as well. They say many a true word said in jest

 

[Sam101]

 

[Vienna_70]

I saw a strange yellow object in the sky this morning.


Then I realised it was the sun.

 

[Sam101]

The inventor of the brochure has died.

RIP Pam Flett.

Condolences to her husband Lee.

 

[Sam101]

 

[Bredmel]

View attachment 181801

Scientific proof that curiosity smells terrible

 

[bladdered]

 

[bladdered]

 

[Grassland Blue]

The local mayor is on his way to speak at a women's institute meeting.
His chauffeur drops the mayor off at the venue and wishes him good luck as he gets out of the car.
The mayor (who had had a few libations) takes to the stage.
"Hello everyone" he says, "I want to begin by telling a joke to put everyone in a good mood."
" What is oval, moist and surrounded by little hairsh?."
"Answer - ish a woman's fanny!"
Moments later the mayor is led from the building and he walks to the mayoral car.
As he's getting in the chauffeur says to him,
"Well sir, it looks like you've buggered up the eyeball joke again"!

 

[Three_Hat-tricks]

I got asked if I had a criminal record today.

I replied, "Well I've probably got a Spandau Ballet LP lying around somewhere."

 

[Strangerepublic]

View attachment 180724

They are both equally intelligent though, because on the other hand, the product of Obama and Trump's IQs is the same as Trump's.

 

[chris63]

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

They are both equally intelligent though, because on the other hand, the product of Obama and Trump's IQs is the same as Trump's.

That would make Obama’s IQ to be 1!


{for the maths nerds}