Joke thread

A wealthy Arab Sheikh visiting Yorkshire was suddenly taken to hospital after becoming seriously ill and he needed an emergency blood transfusion!
Unfortunately the sheikh had a very rare type of blood and the LGI didn't have any in stock.
After some frantic calls, a Yorkshire farmer from up in the dales is located who has the same blood type and he agrees to make his way to Leeds to donate some blood.
The Sheikh receives the blood and begins to get better. He tells his assistant that he should send the farmer many lavish gifts as a show of his appreciation.
A few days later the Yorkshireman answers the door to be greeted with a brand new tractor, £250,000 in cash, a pouch full of diamonds and a life time supply of Yorkshire tea.
A couple of days later, the Sheikh begins to get ill again and the hospital have to phone the Yorkshireman, who was more than happy to donate some more blood.
After receiving the blood the Sheikh gets better and once again tells his assistant to send the Yorkshireman some gifts as a show of his appreciation but this time when the Yorkshireman opens his door all he receives is a Thank you card and a £10 voucher for Toby Carvery!
The Yorkshireman was shocked that the Sheikh did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Sheikh and asked him:
"What's this all abart? I thought tha would be generous again, a thought that tha would gimme some more money and diamonds ....but thas only given me a card and a chuffin 10 quid voucher ya tight get!"
The sheikh replied:
"Aye lad ya reyt, but av got Yorkshire blood in me veins nar!"

01.jpg
 
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week."

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.
 
Grassland Blue said:
The local mayor is on his way to speak at a women's institute meeting.
His chauffeur drops the mayor off at the venue and wishes him good luck as he gets out of the car.
The mayor (who had had a few libations) takes to the stage.
"Hello everyone" he says, "I want to begin by telling a joke to put everyone in a good mood."
" What is oval, moist and surrounded by little hairsh?."
"Answer - ish a woman's fanny!"
Moments later the mayor is led from the building and he walks to the mayoral car.
As he's getting in the chauffeur says to him,
"Well sir, it looks like you've buggered up the eyeball joke again"!
Click to expand...
That was posted on here a couple of years ago and it was shit then.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top