Joke thread

Vicar goes for Sunday lunch at his local farmers house, as each vegetable is served the farmer says ahh it were good manure that grew them veggies, and the same with the fruit course, the farmer then steps out of the room and the vicar says to the farmers wife … that was a lovely meal but I do wish the farmer wouldn’t say good manure each time !
The farmers wife replies it took me twenty fucking years to get him to say manure !
 
A Russian goes to Africa and hangs out with the locals.He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette."We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob.""What's the danger in that?""One of them is a cannibal."
 
Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No one says anything.Stalin had the first row taken away by the KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot."Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.Stalin looks at the man and says, "Bless you."
 
Bob and Francisca lived together in a retirement home and had grown very close.
One of their favorite nightly rituals was to sit on the patio, gaze at the stars, and reminisce.

One evening, Bob made an unusual request.
“Francisca,” he said, “would you hold my pecker while we talk?
Just hold it, nothing else, and we can keep chatting.”

She was hesitant but agreed.
She held his pecker, and they continued their conversation as if nothing was different.
It became their new nightly routine: sitting under the stars, Francisca holding Bob’s pecker while they talked.

One night, Francisca went out to the patio and Bob wasn’t there.
She checked the lounge, the bingo room, and finally found him at the pool — with another resident, Agnes.

Francisca was furious.
She marched over and demanded, “Bob, what does Agnes have that I don’t?”
Bob calmly replied, “Parkinson’s.
 
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