Joke thread

Grassland Blue said:
Not a joke this, but I find it funny.
Back in the days of empire, in foreign lands, the British used to refer to the toilets as 'the khazi'.
Now I'm not sure if Peter Vardy realised that their brand 'Car Z' isn't too dissimilar in pronunciation to Khazi.....
Click to expand...
Car Zed.

And we still use the phrase.
 
Once upon a time, there were a pair of hunchbacked brothers who lived in the mountains above a village. They weren't welcome in the village and would be killed should they ever step foot in there.
One winter the hunchbacked brothers were cold and hungry, the eldest one decided he was going to go into the village and steal some food, his brother tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't listen. After dark he found a bakers shop in the village and decided he was having the fresh, white, crusty loaf of bread in the window, he got a brick , smashed the window, grabbed the bread and attempted to run back to the mountains, locals saw him and tackled him, he was brought to the town square where all the village gathered, the mayor asked the residents "what shall we do with him" a child shouted "stone him", a man shouted "hang him" then a little old lady shouted "cut his hump off" the villagers cheered. The hunchbacked brother crawled back into the mountains bloodied and in a terrible state.
6 weeks past and the younger hunchbacked brother has helped his brother back to health and at a point where he no longer has a hump, his back has completely healed and he can stand up straight, he tells his younger brother now he no longer has a hump he is free to go and live in the village. His brother is well pissed off to the point he plans to do the same thing his brother did, when dark he goes into the village, finds the bakers shop , throws brick through the window and announces himself to the village. He was taken to town square where all the villagers gathered , the mayor asks "what shall we do with him", a child shouts "stone him", a man shouts "hang him", then the little old lady shouts "we've a spare hump in the shed, sew it to his chest".
 
2 Italians are talking to each other on a bus, one says "Emma come first, Den I come, Two asses , dey come together, I come again Two asses dey come together again, I come again and pee twice, then I come again once-a-more.
A woman sitting in front of them turns round and says "Please, I don't want to be hearing about your filthy sex life".
The Man says "No, lady I was-a-telling my friend how to spell Mississippi".
 
gloryhuntersince85 said:
Once upon a time, there were a pair of hunchbacked brothers who lived in the mountains above a village. They weren't welcome in the village and would be killed should they ever step foot in there.
One winter the hunchbacked brothers were cold and hungry, the eldest one decided he was going to go into the village and steal some food, his brother tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't listen. After dark he found a bakers shop in the village and decided he was having the fresh, white, crusty loaf of bread in the window, he got a brick , smashed the window, grabbed the bread and attempted to run back to the mountains, locals saw him and tackled him, he was brought to the town square where all the village gathered, the mayor asked the residents "what shall we do with him" a child shouted "stone him", a man shouted "hang him" then a little old lady shouted "cut his hump off" the villagers cheered. The hunchbacked brother crawled back into the mountains bloodied and in a terrible state.
6 weeks past and the younger hunchbacked brother has helped his brother back to health and at a point where he no longer has a hump, his back has completely healed and he can stand up straight, he tells his younger brother now he no longer has a hump he is free to go and live in the village. His brother is well pissed off to the point he plans to do the same thing his brother did, when dark he goes into the village, finds the bakers shop , throws brick through the window and announces himself to the village. He was taken to town square where all the villagers gathered , the mayor asks "what shall we do with him", a child shouts "stone him", a man shouts "hang him", then the little old lady shouts "we've a spare hump in the shed, sew it to his chest".
Click to expand...
Ergh right, thank you, we'll ergh get back to you, no, no need we ergh have your details. Thank you. Next.
 
Blue Mist said:
Ergh right, thank you, we'll ergh get back to you, no, no need we ergh have your details. Thank you. Next.
Click to expand...
He stands corrected.

tAvTTpI.gif
 
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