Joke thread

[pablozabaleta]

Liverpool are raving about the SAS - Sturridge and Suarez. Man Utd are still trying to come up with one for Welbeck, Anderson, Nani, Kagawa, Evra, Rooney and Smalling

I hear man united have just released a commemorative fruit bowl. It just sits in the middle of the table doing fuck all

 

[Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot]

 

[nalari]

How many United supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how good the old bulb was.

 

[2bluegp]

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Hard to say...the flag is a big plus though.

I'll get my coat

I like

 

[law74]

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Hard to say...the flag is a big plus though.

I'll get my coat

I like

You like, I stole<br /><br />-- Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:18 am --<br /><br />

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Hard to say...the flag is a big plus though.

I'll get my coat

I like

You like, I stole

 

[Mustard Dave]

My nan, bless her, always gets into the spirit of Halloween. She's 96 and she still manages to put up all the decorations. I've just been around and there are cobwebs and spiders in the windows, and I could see a skeleton on the couch. There was no answer though; I'll probably pop over the same time next year.

 

[Squelch]

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..

There were four men ....
one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

* The man going up the hill: was rushin

* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin

* The man walking down the hill: was finish

* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green!

 

[2sheikhs]

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..

There were four men ....
one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

* The man going up the hill: was rushin

* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin

* The man walking down the hill: was finish

* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green!

0151 298 2222

Is that a taxi rank or coat shop?

 

[citymantop]

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock would you say?'

 

[Lavinda Past]

0151 298 2222

Is that a taxi rank or coat shop?

mersey cabs


ive got his coat for him already

I hope it's a concrete one.