jimharri
Moderator
So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
It was tense.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
raghunter57
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Oct 2013
- Messages
- 382
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services.
He gasps "my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "calm down I can help. First make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, then a gun shot can be heard.
Back on the phone, the guy asks "okay what now?"
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services.
He gasps "my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "calm down I can help. First make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, then a gun shot can be heard.
Back on the phone, the guy asks "okay what now?"
jimharri
Moderator
Pat and Mick were walking home from the pub steaming drunk .
Pat: You know Mick, you're my best pal, I'd do anything for you .
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: Of course I would; I'm not bullshitting, I mean if I had 2 gold watches I'd give you one .
Mick: Would ya Pat ?
Pat: That I would, and if I had two cars I'd give one of them .
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: Of course I would, and if I had two flat screen TVs I'd give you one, no problem!
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: You know I would!
Mick: And what if you had 2 bikes?
Pat: Fuck off! you know I have 2 bikes!
Pat: You know Mick, you're my best pal, I'd do anything for you .
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: Of course I would; I'm not bullshitting, I mean if I had 2 gold watches I'd give you one .
Mick: Would ya Pat ?
Pat: That I would, and if I had two cars I'd give one of them .
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: Of course I would, and if I had two flat screen TVs I'd give you one, no problem!
Mick: Would ya really Pat ?
Pat: You know I would!
Mick: And what if you had 2 bikes?
Pat: Fuck off! you know I have 2 bikes!
jimharri said:Denzel and LeeRoy were walking home from the pub steaming drunk .
Denzel: You know LeeRoy,you're my best pal, I'd do anything for you .
LeeRoy: Would ya really Denzel?
Denzel: Of course I would; I'm not bullshitting, I mean if I had 2 gold watches I'd give you one .
LeeRoy: Would ya Denzel?
Denzel: That I would, and if I had two cars I'd give one of them .
LeeRoy: Would ya really Denzel?
Denzel: Of course I would, and if I had two flat screen TVs I'd give you one, no problem!
LeeRoy: Would ya really Denzel?
Denzel: You know I would!
LeeRoy: And what if you had 2 bikes?
Denzel: Fuck off! you know I have 2 bikes!
Nope... still not funny.
jimharri said:Maurie and Saul were walking home from the pub steaming drunk .
Maurie: You know Saul,you're my best pal, I'd do anything for you .
Saul: Would ya really, Maurie?
Maurie: Of course I would; I'm not bullshitting, I mean if I had 2 gold watches I'd give you one .
Saul: Would ya Maurie?
Maurie: That I would, and if I had two cars I'd give one of them .
Saul: Would ya really Maurie?
Maurie: Of course I would, and if I had two flat screen TVs I'd give you one, no problem!
Saul: Would ya really Maurie?
Maurie: You know I would!
Saul: And what if you had 2 bikes?
Maurie: Fuck off! you know I have 2 bikes!
No. That don't work either
jimharri said:Ginger and Blondie were walking home from the pub steaming drunk .
Ginger: You know Blondie, you're my best pal, I'd do anything for you .
Blondie: Would ya really, Ginger?
Ginger: Of course I would; I'm not bullshitting, I mean if I had 2 gold watches I'd give you one .
Blondie: Would ya Ginger?
Ginger: That I would, and if I had two cars I'd give one of them .
Blondie: Would ya really Ginger?
Ginger: Of course I would, and if I had two flat screen TVs I'd give you one, no problem!
Blondie: Would ya really Ginger?
Ginger: You know I would!
Blondie: And what if you had 2 bikes?
Ginger: Fuck off! you know I have 2 bikes!
Now, that's hilarious!
hackneyslim
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Jul 2008
- Messages
- 1,730
Perfect.jimharri said:So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
SteWadda
Well-Known Member
Protect your kids from Fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin ,
Err I dont have a tin big enough
Err I dont have a tin big enough
StrangewaysHereWeCome
Well-Known Member
****!!!SteWadda said:Protect your kids from Fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin ,
Err I dont have a tin big enough
A vegetable drawer and a firework walk into a kid.
the biscuit tin had bangers and mash for tea
Kakhaber Tskhadadze K.O.T.A.
Well-Known Member
StrangewaysHereWeCome said:****!!!SteWadda said:Protect your kids from Fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin ,
Err I dont have a tin big enough
A vegetable drawer and a firework walk into a kid.
the biscuit tin had bangers and mash for tea
saw them 2 jokes and made my own up
" protect your kids from fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin .
wouldn't it be safer to store them in the vegetable drawer , they will never look in there "
....... think mine works better than your two ......... I hope nobody uses mine as I'll be rather upset .................. i may even have a rant.
JoeMercer'sWay
Well-Known Member
An important safety message came on the tele tonight, it read:
"Protect your kids from fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin."
My wife turned to me and said:
"Wouldn't it be safer to store them in the vegetable drawer? They will never look in there..."
"Protect your kids from fireworks by storing them in a biscuit tin."
My wife turned to me and said:
"Wouldn't it be safer to store them in the vegetable drawer? They will never look in there..."