Joke thread

An elderly man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the barman told him he owed £7.00

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” said the customer.

“Okay,” said the barman.

“If you say you paid, you did.

The elderly man then went outside and told a friend that the barman couldn’t keep track of his customers’ bills.

The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer.

When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt.

The barman replied, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks.

The elderly man hurried into the bar and began to drink his pint when, suddenly, the barman leaned over and said,

“You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, but both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responded.

“Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”
 
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he saw Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and spirit bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the postman says.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it on Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for Christmas and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

"Well" says Bob, "all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our prick showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The postman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you didn't come" says Bob.... "Your name came up four or five times".
 

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