Joke thread

Some chocolate bar puns are so bad they belong in the Echo, you need to call a Cabana Taxi for the posters.
Applause for some of the others though.
What, theres at least a trio in your post, and thinking em up is no picnic.

Anyway, its after eight so Im taking a time out, theres no trophy to be won.
 
My grandfather fought hard in ww2 and he'd be so proud and pleased with what rishi and the Conservatives have done to this country.
Then again, he was a nazi
True story
My sister in law is German and I can’t remember exactly how the conversation started but we were in a pub and the subject of the Second World War came up with someone who wasn’t part of our family
Friedel said her uncle flew numerous missions and the person was very impressed and said “ your uncle was in the RAF” to which Friedel replied “no, he was in the luftwafffe”
 
True story
My sister in law is German and I can’t remember exactly how the conversation started but we were in a pub and the subject of the Second World War came up with someone who wasn’t part of our family
Friedel said her uncle flew numerous missions and the person was very impressed and said “ your uncle was in the RAF” to which Friedel replied “no, he was in the luftwafffe”
Did he bomb the old toilet?
 
A man takes over as landlord in a rural pub that has a reputation for being haunted.

The opening night goes well and but when he's cleaning up afterwards he hears a spooky whining noise from the beer cellar. He checks his watch and it's exactly midnight.

He goes down to investigate and finds the transparent ghost of a small dog, with its tail missing.

He's a little scared, but the dog is making such pitiful noises and keeps running to one corner of the cellar and running back, just like a puppy wanting you to play.

So he follows where the ghost dog leads and finds a bit of the wall is damaged and there's a hole, exactly where the dog keeps looking.

Gingerly, he puts his hand in the hole and his fingers close on something thin and bony, like a starving snake, or a human finger. He pulls it out and sees it's the rotting remains of a dog's tail.

The dog is now almost bouncing with excitement and keeps turning to present his poor, tail-less rump to the landlord, who looks at the dog's rear end and the rotting tail in his hand, shakes his head and says,

"I'm sorry, you know I can't re-tail spirits after hours."
 

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