Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Out on the course one day, John accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," John replied as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted.

She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... John was weak. "Well okay," he finally agreed but thought to himself, "my wife won't like it."

After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, he thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything... By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I guess."

 

[Lavinda Past]

Bob left work one Friday evening. As it was payday, he went out for a pint with his mates.

Things got a bit out of hand, and instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spent all of his wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and still he didn't see his wife.

However, by Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Mercy. Mercy.
No more please.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Mercy. Mercy.
No more please.

Lightweight.

 

[KS55]

Bob left work one Friday evening. As it was payday, he went out for a pint with his mates.

Things got a bit out of hand, and instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spent all of his wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and still he didn't see his wife.

However, by Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

A true story.
A friend of mine went to his cricket club one Saturday morning for a pint. Got talking to a bunch of the lads who were going on a short tour in the South.
His wife was not pleased when he got home the following Tuesday.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[bladdered]