Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
How many opticians does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
One or two?
Two or three?
Three or four?
One or two?
Two or three?
Three or four?
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar.
I'm happy to fill her slot instead.
I'm happy to fill her slot instead.
bluethrunthru
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate was found guilty in court yesterday for stealing all of the punctuation marks from the keyboard.
The judge told him to expect a long sentence
The judge told him to expect a long sentence
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to show the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door and asked... “Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past his dog, he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke...? How could a little thing like that kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
One day a woman knocked at his door and asked... “Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past his dog, he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke...? How could a little thing like that kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
There was this guy sitting at a bar, just staring at his drink. He stays like that for over half an hour.
A big trouble making truck driver sits next to him, takes the drink from in front of the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "Today is the worst day of my life...
First, I oversleep and go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me.
Then, when I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police tell me they can do nothing.
I get a cab to go home, I get out and as the cab driver drives away, I realise I left my wallet on the seat.
I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
A big trouble making truck driver sits next to him, takes the drink from in front of the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "Today is the worst day of my life...
First, I oversleep and go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me.
Then, when I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police tell me they can do nothing.
I get a cab to go home, I get out and as the cab driver drives away, I realise I left my wallet on the seat.
I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Just got in from a friends wedding. Was a rather emotional affair, even the cake was in tiers.
