Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Mymate installs wet rooms.

Lovely bloke

Shit roofer.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Apparently, we've got a fantastic day coming up on Thursday...

Everyone's says it's going to be 10/10.

 

[Skr1975]

 

[MellowJoe]

I've just bought a motorcycle which used to belong to Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate.


It started with a kick.

Here's a little known fact about the late great Errol, did you know he died of obesity? It started with a quiche :/
Coat,hat,bike.

 

[Lavinda Past]

There's no way I'm going to be an organ donor.

I fucking love my Wurlitzer.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Here's a little known fact about the late great Errol, did you know he died of obesity? It started with a quiche :/
Coat,hat,bike.

I was lead to believe he died of cancer, it started with a cyst.

 

[Lavinda Past]

An American man has been found guilty of stealing 2000 erasers and 150 bottles of Tippex from an office supply cupboard.

The judge sentenced him to six months in a correctional facility.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was walking through a cemetery the other day and saw Jeremy Beadle's gravestone.

It read: "Hr. ls. Jrmy. Bdl. R.I.P"

I couldn't believe it was written in shorthand

 

[Lavinda Past]

It's the 1970s...

A man goes into Burton's in Birmingham to buy a new suit. After going through all the usual choices, he settles on a nice single breated two-button charcoal grey suit with a single vent and three buttons on each sleeve.

The salesman then persuades him to add a shirt, one with a complementary pink stripe and then he asks, “How about we finish off with a nice kipper tie?”

“That would be lovely”, replies the customer, “milk and two sugars please”.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Went out metal detecting today and found an old land rover buried in a field ......

It's my first discovery.