Joke thread

[Casey69]

Magician on a cruise liner trying to do his act, keeps getting ruined by the captains parrot saying it’s up his sleeve, behind his back,in his hat etc etc
Suddenly the ship hits an iceberg and sinks, the magician manages to swim to a life raft and hangs on, the parrot flutters down and lands on the life raft looks at the magician and says … I give up ! Where have you hid the fucking ship?

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[horlock_was_super]

View attachment 134865

The very much sadly missed Sean Locke likes this post.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A woman walks into a chemist's and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do... Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No thank you, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

 

[AliBobbyJ]

Posted this in the baseball thread:
"What would have happened if Christopher Columbus had landed on the west coast of America instead of the east?"
"People in Los Angeles would have gotten very upset when the Dodgers moved to Brooklyn."

 

[paulchapo]

Apologies if this has been posted before but it's weirdly hilarious.

 

[paulchapo]

View attachment 134865

Bloody hell that was a rhyme we sang as kids lol.

Milk, milk, lemonade, chocolate around the corner, press the button pull the chain and out comes a puffa train.

 

[noblelord]

 

[kippaxneil]

There's a new Elbow tribute band around, called 'Arse', they're so good you can't tell them apart.

 

[Hertzblue]