Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate's got a new business, managing libraries in the prison system. It's been a difficult start but he told me there’s lots of prose and cons.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate went to karate lessons but gave up after two weeks.
He tried judo, ju jitsu, kung fu and kendo, all of which he gave up after one lesson.
He's a master in partial arts.
He tried judo, ju jitsu, kung fu and kendo, all of which he gave up after one lesson.
He's a master in partial arts.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I live in constant fear that someone will rob and murder my mother in law who lives all alone and has diamonds and a lot of cash in her safe.
She lives at 48 Main Street,Linksfield, its a pink house with a green gate and its got no alarm system!
She lives at 48 Main Street,Linksfield, its a pink house with a green gate and its got no alarm system!
Lost in space
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 26 Jul 2014
- Messages
- 298
Wife: Have you seen the cats bowl?
Me: no are they any good?
Me: no are they any good?
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
BM...I need some advice.
What is the best way to tell my son that he’s adopted?
Make it quick lads...His new family should be here in about ten minutes.
What is the best way to tell my son that he’s adopted?
Make it quick lads...His new family should be here in about ten minutes.
A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "I've always wanted to have sex with a little person."
The dwarf replied "I'm sorry, but I've had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up."
"It's ok," said the woman, "My husband is working away until next week." So, against his better judgment he goes back with the woman.
They start having amazing sex, when suddenly the front door opens.
"Shit, it's my husband!" she said. "Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away!"
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
The husband comes in the bedroom, says "It's cold in here!" slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance. A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in hospital.
"How are you?" she asked.
"Well, my fingers are broken, I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion," he said.
"Oh dear!" she said. "Still, it could have been much worse."
"Much worse?" said the dwarf. "How do you figure that out?"
"Well," she said, "You're lucky that I live in a bungalow!"
The dwarf replied "I'm sorry, but I've had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up."
"It's ok," said the woman, "My husband is working away until next week." So, against his better judgment he goes back with the woman.
They start having amazing sex, when suddenly the front door opens.
"Shit, it's my husband!" she said. "Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away!"
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
The husband comes in the bedroom, says "It's cold in here!" slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance. A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in hospital.
"How are you?" she asked.
"Well, my fingers are broken, I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion," he said.
"Oh dear!" she said. "Still, it could have been much worse."
"Much worse?" said the dwarf. "How do you figure that out?"
"Well," she said, "You're lucky that I live in a bungalow!"
