Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

My mate bought a DeLorean. He doesn't use it much... just from time to time.

 

[SamTheGuru]

What do you call a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

.........someone who stays awake all night wondering whether there really is a dog.

 

[Sam101]

I was given some financial good news today.

The child I've been sponsoring in Africa has been mauled to death by a lion.

 

[Sam101]

I was shagging my wife when I noticed my window cleaner was watching us through the window.


"Get the fuck out of my garden" he shouted

 

[SamTheGuru]

Did you hear what happened to the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

 

[Sam101]

I used to be in a band called Cat Missing.

You may have seen our posters.

 

[Sam101]

I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said "Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place..."


I asked "Are you single?"


She replied "No, I'm a dentist."

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

People who use the wrong words should at least have the humidity to admit it.

 

[Lavinda Past]

After a terrible day at work, I came home to see the first and last few pages of my dictionary missing.

Things just went from bad to worse.