dickie davies
Well-Known Member
He may have been
Perhaps he was himself once a tourist and decided to emigrate, or had a holiday home in Nevada!!!
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
He may have been
Perhaps he was himself once a tourist and decided to emigrate, or had a holiday home in Nevada!!!
crazyg
Well-Known Member
Sam Armstrong
Well-Known Member
Guys: If your partner is going to leave you, try and make it so she leaves the house at 8PM on a Thursday with her cases packed so it looks as though all the street hates her as well!!
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
A man is sat watching television when his wife walks up behind and strikes him with a rolled up magazine
The man rubbed his head and asked "what was that for?"
"I found a piece of paper in your trousers with Lucy Lou written on it. You've been seeing another woman"
"No I haven't! Remember when I went to the greyhound meeting the other week, Lucy Lou is the name of a dog I had a tip for. It won and I bought you those flowers "
"I'm so sorry " replied the wife
A week later he's watching telly and his wife hits him hard with a frying pan and knocks him out cold
When he came round he said "what was that for?"
"Your dog phoned"
The man rubbed his head and asked "what was that for?"
"I found a piece of paper in your trousers with Lucy Lou written on it. You've been seeing another woman"
"No I haven't! Remember when I went to the greyhound meeting the other week, Lucy Lou is the name of a dog I had a tip for. It won and I bought you those flowers "
"I'm so sorry " replied the wife
A week later he's watching telly and his wife hits him hard with a frying pan and knocks him out cold
When he came round he said "what was that for?"
"Your dog phoned"
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
If that's not from Viz...I'd get it sent in quickly
It’s also the time you can throw all your empties into the recycling bin as the clapping drowns out the noise
jimharri
Moderator
I was sat on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off, and the wife said to me;
"You spoil those dogs"
"You spoil those dogs"
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
No it is just that his missus has now got used to the nightly ritual of him wanking the dogs.
ColinBellsjockstrap
Well-Known Member
jimharri
Moderator
Thanks for keeping tabs on me.
oakiecokie
Well-Known Member
Roy Keans also offered him a job.
Hart of the Matter
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 23 Jul 2011
- Messages
- 5,180
And Trump is up for imbleachment.
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
My dad gave me some advice a few years ago.
He said. "BoJ, if you ever get into a fight in the pub and are out numbered, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock."
Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk.
He said. "BoJ, if you ever get into a fight in the pub and are out numbered, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock."
Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk.
Just a domestos argument.
Or what is the diff between Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Qatar, Saudi, Iraq and Isis?
British press answer: none at all, they are all arabs, most with filthy oil money, and in cahoots.
On a farm out in the country lived a man, a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.
She said, "I've seen all, and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again.
So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone.
He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not thirty times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.
She said, "I've seen all, and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again.
So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone.
He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not thirty times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
antspider
Well-Known Member
Love it
