Joke thread

A Russian Commander was marching his large force through Finland in 1939. From behind a bush he hears

"One Fin is better than 10 Russians"

Confident, he sends ten of his best men into the bush. There's the sound of fighting and then silence. Then the same voice

"One Fin is better than a hundred Russians!"

Irritated, the commander sends his next best 100 men into the bushes. A large firefight ensues for a moment then silence. Then the voice again

"One Fin is better than A THOUSAND Russians"

Furious, the commander sends a thousand men. A huge fight begins, grenades explode, machine guns fire, he hears screaming and then a bloodied Russian soldier crawls from the bush. The commander runs to him and holds him in his arms.

With the soldiers dying breath he says.

"Don't send anymore. It's a trap. There's two of them."
 
jimharri said:
A Russian Commander was marching his large force through Finland in 1939. From behind a bush he hears

"One Fin is better than 10 Russians"

Confident, he sends ten of his best men into the bush. There's the sound of fighting and then silence. Then the same voice

"One Fin is better than a hundred Russians!"

Irritated, the commander sends his next best 100 men into the bushes. A large firefight ensues for a moment then silence. Then the voice again

"One Fin is better than A THOUSAND Russians"

Furious, the commander sends a thousand men. A huge fight begins, grenades explode, machine guns fire, he hears screaming and then a bloodied Russian soldier crawls from the bush. The commander runs to him and holds him in his arms.

With the soldiers dying breath he says.

"Don't send anymore. It's a trap. There's two of them."
Click to expand...
Great. Not often you hear fish jokes...
 
sir baconface said:
Great. Not often you hear fish jokes...
Click to expand...
Okay, don't carp on about it.


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jimharri said:
A Russian Commander was marching his large force through Finland in 1939. From behind a bush he hears

"One Fin is better than 10 Russians"

Confident, he sends ten of his best men into the bush. There's the sound of fighting and then silence. Then the same voice

"One Fin is better than a hundred Russians!"

Irritated, the commander sends his next best 100 men into the bushes. A large firefight ensues for a moment then silence. Then the voice again

"One Fin is better than A THOUSAND Russians"

Furious, the commander sends a thousand men. A huge fight begins, grenades explode, machine guns fire, he hears screaming and then a bloodied Russian soldier crawls from the bush. The commander runs to him and holds him in his arms.

With the soldiers dying breath he says.

"Don't send anymore. It's a trap. There's two of them."
Click to expand...
I last heard this in 1982, with the opponents being a single Gurkha and an Argentinean regiment.
 
The A9 and A40 are sitting in a pub having a quiet drink. At the table next to them the M6 is putting the moves on the A66, telling her how attractive her Bassenthwaite is. The door to the bar swings open and the whole place quietens, as a huge road walks in. “I’m the M25. I’m the biggest, meanest road in the country! Anyone want to make something of it?” Everyone looks around, but the M1 and M6, even the Glaswegian M8, lower their eyes. The M25 shouts “Pussies!” buys a pint of London Pride and a gin and moves to a table.

An hour later, and the M25 is now drunk and even more belligerent. The door opens and in walks the scrawniest road, anyone has seen. He is tiny, nothing more than a narrow strip of green tarmac. He walks straight up to the M25 and says “You’re in my seat, you ****!”. Silence. The A9 whispers ”It’s going to be a massacre!” The A40 just smiles, shakes his head and says “watch”. The M25 goes quiet, looks the tiny piece of tarmac up and down and then stands up and moves to another table, stammering “S..s..sorry, guv, didn’t mean no offence!”, visibly shaken.

The A9 is stunned. He turns to A40 and says, “I can’t believe it! What just happened?”

To which the A40 replied, “Oh, no-one messes with him, he might be small but he’s a cycle path”
 
A woman with small breasts buys a finely carved mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door:

The next morning, she playfully says.
"Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs size 44."

There is a flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.

She runs to tell her husband what happened and in minutes they both return.

The husband crosses his fingers and says.
"Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor."

There's a flash of light, and both of his legs fall off...
 
What's the best thing about finger a knacker in her period
You get your palm read/red for free

If you meet someone with red hair, ask them do they read books.
When they say yes, ask them
have you red/read pubes?
 
A man has stolen 2 bottles of Rum from the mini Mart ,as he ran out a cashier tried to stop him by using a pricing gun
Police said He's got away this time but he's got a price on his head now !
 
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