Joke thread

[jimharri]

A cowboy walks into the town saloon and gets a drink.

Aside from the bartender, he's the only one in the place.

Cowboy asks the bartender, "Where's everybody."

Bartender replies, "They're out to to watch the hanging'"

Cowboy says, "Who's hanging'?"

Bartender says, "Brown Paper Pete."

Cowboy shakes his head and says, "Brown Paper Pete? What kind of name is that?"

"Well," says the barman, "He always wears a brown paper hat, brown paper coat, paper pants, and paper shoes."

"Weird," says the Cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"




Bartender says, "Rustling."





I know, I know. It was texted to me a couple of days ago. I'll have a word with the sender!

 

[foetus]

A cowboy walks into the town saloon and gets a drink.

Aside from the bartender, he's the only one in the place.

Cowboy asks the bartender, "Where's everybody."

Bartender replies, "They're out to to watch the hanging'"

Cowboy says, "Who's hanging'?"

Bartender says, "Brown Paper Pete."

Cowboy shakes his head and says, "Brown Paper Pete? What kind of name is that?"

"Well," says the barman, "He always wears a brown paper hat, brown paper coat, paper pants, and paper shoes."

"Weird," says the Cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"




Bartender says, "Rustling."

 

[Pearcey]

As if we don't hear enough about Kim Kardashian's arse... Now he's headlining Glastonbury.

 

[chrishull]

The shop near me got robbed last night.
They took all the Mars Bars, all the Monster Munch and most of the Skittles...
Must have been snackheads.

 

[Squelch]

I thought I saw Van Morrison go past my window this morning.
But it turned out to be a Morrison's van reversing.

 

[Zuriblue]

Wes Anderson wants to make a film about 3 famous composers but wants to challenge the audiences perceptions. So instead of inviting Ralph Fiennes and Daniel Day Lewis to lunch he invites Bruce Willis, Sly Stallone and Arnie Schwarzeneger.
He outlines his plan and asks them who they would like to play;
Stallone replies he'd be Beethoven as he was intense, focused and moody, like me
Willis says well Mozart was a bit wild and wacky but got the job done, so that's the one for me
They all turn in expectation to Arnie who's sitting there deep in thought, he slowly looks round and says ...I'll be Bach

 

[jimharri]

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...
You have my word.

 

[whp.blue]

I thought I saw Van Morrison go past my window this morning.
But it turned out to be a Morrison's van reversing.

That actually made me laugh

 

[crazyg]

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...
You have my word.

Excellent.

 

[jimharri]

The hardest part of attending my first Hypochondriacs Anonymous session was admitting I don't have a problem.