Joke thread

[mad4city]

How proud am I?
The Gas Company sent me a letter to say that my bill was "outstanding"!

 

[LWashington]

"The blood results are back and there's good news and bad news" a lawyer says to his client, he continues "The bad news is that your blood matches both the blood found on the victim and that found on the handle of the murder weapon".

"What's the good news ? " his client asks.

The lawyer replies "Your cholesterol is down to 3.1"

 

[foetus]

 

[Zubrman]

Shouldn't these be in the Anti Jokes thread?

 

[aguero93:20]

Bring back Tangerine Steve.

 

[BlueTangerine]

Bring back Tangerine Steve.

:0 haha you must be joking.

I re-read a couple of my offerings a few weeks ago. Christ, they didn't seem that bad at the time. I almost cringed myself to death :)

 

[jimharri]

Bring back Tangerine Steve.

Steady on.

 

[Bill Walker]

Friend of mine rang the Aussie cricket team dressing room, asked to speak to Michael Clarke , the guy who answered said he's just gone out to bat.........my mate said 'its ok I'll hold'

 

[Zuriblue]

Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames.
"The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of his holdings.
As Dave slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Smith, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property…………..
"Property?”, Sarah Smith replies. “The arsehole had a window cleaning round."

 

[Sir peace frog]

Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames.
"The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of his holdings.
As Dave slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Smith, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property…………..
"Property?”, Sarah Smith replies. “The arsehole had a window cleaning round."

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha :)