Joke thread

[chris63]

 

[Zuriblue]

The England team all have had their referendum postal votes rejected. None of them could get a cross in the box.

 

[Sid C]

My Great Great Great Grandad died in the battle of the little big horn. He wasn't in the 7th army like. He was camping in the next field and just popped over to ask them to keep the noise down.

 

[BlueBlood81]

City's sale on the OS

 

[Uwe Already]

My grandad had his tongue shot off in the war


He never talked about it...

 

[mrcunny]

I went to Morrisons before and the cashier asked this foreign couple in front of me if they wanted help packing their bags.... I thought Fuck Me this is happening quicker than I expected

 

[Zuriblue]

Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Nigel Farage have all been invited onto A Question of Sport and all have declined. They don't want to take part in the What Happened Next round.

 

[Zuriblue]

The U.K. and the US are having a contest to see who can fuck the country up the most.

Currently the UK is in the lead but the yanks have a Trump card.

 

[bucks]

Just won my semi-final of "The most celibate man in the world" competition. I'm meeting the pope in the final next week.

 

[jimharri]

A guy wakes up in hospital after getting a terrible beating. Doctor asks him what he can remember. He says "I was making love to this beautiful woman that I had only just met at a bar earlier, when we heard the front door of her house opening. 'Oh my God!' she shouted, 'it's my husband! Quick, the back door!' Now I know I should have run, but you don't get an offer like that every day."