Joke thread

Chinese wisdom: Confucius, he say:
Man with hole in trousers pocket feel cocky all day

Man having sex in graveyard must be fucking near dead

Man with crystal ball should sit down very carefully

Man taken short on weighbridge doing business on large scale
 
BackofJeanette said:
When people say "Nothing lasts forever"

They've obviously never tried having a wank over Nicola Sturgeon!
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I lwill use this, but I will think of someone better than Nicola Sturgeon.

I could probably knock one out in about 20 seconds about Nicola.
Fatima whitbread has always been my nemesis.
;-) ;-) ;;-) ;-) ;-) ;;-)
 
women shopping for sunday dinner, looks at beef, lamb,then spots a joint of venison, on offer, never had that , she says , looks ok. sunday comes , does the spuds carrots peas, gravy, all sat round the table , and she says to her two children, now todays dinner is a suprise, we are trying something different, and you must guess what it is, i"ll give you a clue , i sometimes call your daddy it, and she mouths the word dear to the kids. one of the kids is cutting into the meat, throws his knife and fork down, " i"m not eating that, its a fucking arsehole. !
 
Lady in the butchers picks up a joint, she’s prodding poking pulling it butcher says oy it’s not your husband’s cock it won’t get any fucking bigger playing with it
 
Uwe`s Grandad said:
I lwill use this, but I will think of someone better than Nicola Sturgeon.

I could probably knock one out in about 20 seconds about Nicola.
Fatima whitbread has always been my nemesis.
;-) ;-) ;;-) ;-) ;-) ;;-)
Click to expand...
Fatima Whitbread once failed a drug test, you know? Yeah, she got caught with 10 lbs of crack in her knickers.
 
Uwe`s Grandad said:
I lwill use this, but I will think of someone better than Nicola Sturgeon.

I could probably knock one out in about 20 seconds about Nicola.
Fatima whitbread has always been my nemesis.
;-) ;-) ;;-) ;-) ;-) ;;-)
Click to expand...

Marklr said:
Fatima Whitbread once failed a drug test, you know? Yeah, she got caught with 10 lbs of crack in her knickers.
Click to expand...

Marklr said:
haha...as opposed to Fatima's MUSCULAR one?
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Leave Fatima Whitbread alone.
She's a sporting hero who had a dreadful childhood suffering abuse before she was adopted
 
There’s Steve ovet, Sebastian Coe and Tessa Sanderson playing cards in the Olympic village ... one by one they all agree their hungry and so seb agrees to go to the chippy , he gets back and they all tuck in and there’s a knock on the door so seb goes and answers the door and shouts back it ok it’s Fatima......Whitbread.
 
bluebaja said:
My favourite from him wasn't about Samantha though......

'The man who wrote the Hokey Cokey died earlier this week. There was however an unfortunate incident in the funeral parlour as they were putting him in the coffin. They managed to get his left leg in but then the trouble started...'
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I was completely addicted to the Hokey Cokey for years, but I've turned
myself around, and that's what it's all about.
 
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