Joke thread

[Indaparkside]

Just bought a 65 inch tv from eBay it said volume stuck bargain £10

I thought I can’t turn that down

 

[mexico1970]

A Gorilla walked into the doctors with a jelly in one ear and a blancmange in the other.

After a quick inspection the Dr said that he knew what was wrong with him.

The Dr told the Gorilla that he was a trifle deaf.

 

[meltonblue]

A Gorilla walked into the doctors with a jelly in one ear and a blancmange in the other.

After a quick inspection the Dr said that he knew what was wrong with him.

The Dr told the Gorilla that he was a trifle deaf.

I might be missing something but why a gorilla?!

 

[mexico1970]

I might be missing something but why a gorilla?!

Because a trifle wouldn't fit in a Hamsters ear silly ;)

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

 

[Indaparkside]

I met this gangster who pulls up people’s pants
Wedgie kray

 

[Gazza]

I upset my Jehovah Witness brother-in-law yesterday, he tried telling me a knock-knock joke and I just ignored it.

 

[Big Swifty]

Two eggs getting boiled in a pot…
One egg says to the other…"I’ve got a giant crack!"
the other replies…"stop teasing, I’m not even hard yet!’

Two eggs getting boiled.
One egg says to the other "Hot in here, innit?"
The other one says "You wait till you get lifted
out. They bash your head in with a spoon!"

An egg and a rasher of bacon are frying in a pan. The egg says "Hot in here, isn't it?"
The bacon replies "Bugger me.....a talking egg!"

 

[Chi-town blues]

Male bees die after mating . That’s basically their life , Honey nut cheerio .

 

[eversince 76]

We just signed Jack Grealish. To loads that’s a joke.

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

Because a trifle wouldn't fit in a Hamsters ear silly ;)

And why a doctors instead of a vet?

 

[sir baconface]

What do you call the first Afghan off the plane?
- Amir

What do you call the second Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel

What do you call the third Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel Azim

[Here’s hoping we haven’t yet reached the level where the most light-hearted racial context causes anybody offence….]

 

[Barcon]

We just signed Jack Grealish. To loads that’s a joke.

By "loads" do you mean blobs of spunk?

 

[i kne albert davy]

What do you call the first Afghan off the plane?
- Amir

What do you call the second Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel

What do you call the third Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel Azim

[Here’s hoping we haven’t yet reached the level where the most light-hearted racial context causes anybody offence….]

Just piling the stones up now. :-)

 

[Blue Mist]

What do you call the first Afghan off the plane?
- Amir

What do you call the second Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel

What do you call the third Afghan off the plane?
- Amir Azwel Azim

[Here’s hoping we haven’t yet reached the level where the most light-hearted racial context causes anybody offence….]

The forth Afghan was called Amir Azwel Azim Anim.

The 5th Amir Azwel Azim Anim Anim

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

Spanish Fireman with 2 sons. Eldest is José the youngest Hose B

 

[Bill Walker]

CITY, Pulled out of buying RONALDO for 30 million when someone advised PEP that he can buy a BIG GIRLS BLOUSE from Primark for £4.99.

 

[flyer]

Just piling the stones up now. :-)

Can I have two large ones and a bag of gravel, please

 

[Fred_Quimby]