Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

A gem from 1955......

Lord Rosebery was a great patron of the turf and donated several trophies to compete for at racecourses.

So what's the difference between Lord Rosebery and Group Captain Peter Townsend?

Lord Rosebery gave the Royal Hunt Cup..................

 

[jimharri]

My neighbours kids have challenged me to a water fight.

It's true what they say about a watched kettle never boiling.

 

[BigJoe#1]

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a drug dealer?

A. At the end of the night a whore can was her crack and sell it again the next night....

 

[Mancini Manus Domini]

My wife told me to stop my obsession of singing "Wonderwall".......


I said maybe..........

 

[yeseye]

MY WIFE TOLD ME TO STOP SINGING “I’M A BELIEVER” OR SHE’D KILL ME. I THOUGHT SHE WAS JOKING…


…and then I saw her face…

 

[solley attwell]

My son went to his career guidance teacher and told him when leaves school he wants to run his own carpet cleaning company. The career guidance teacher said don't bother 'you no good at mats'

 

[oakiecokie]

MY WIFE TOLD ME TO STOP SINGING “I’M A BELIEVER” OR SHE’D KILL ME. I THOUGHT SHE WAS JOKING…


…and then I saw her face…

... now I`m a bog cleaner,I couldn`t leave her ...

 

[Zubrman]

... now I`m a bog cleaner,I couldn`t leave her ...

.. till I dried.

 

[NorCalBlue]

No wonder chemist,are boring Fkers..

We absolutely fucking are.

 

[Big Swifty]

Went to see the doctor

Me: I can't stop singing Delilah.
Doc. Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome.
Me: Is that very common?
Doc: It's not unusual......

I know, I know...