Joke thread

[blueish swede]

Test for narcissism

Spoiler: Part 1

Take a moment to think about yourself.

Spoiler: Part 2

If you made it to part two, you're not a narcissist.

shamelesly stolen fro a TED talk.

 

[CALCIO POTATO]

A monologue - not strictly a joke..... I was speaking to a lad about the lack of true entertainers in the music world and i said that we could do with a new Freddie Mercury and he replied "yeah but we've got Ed Sheeran"!!

 

[sir baconface]

 

[bluebc]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I entered my sons room and said, "Remember boy, masturbating can make you go blind." "I'm over here dad," he replied.

 

[bluebc]

 

[knuckles]

From the Daily Mash:

THE f**king fools who voted for Johnson are being treated exactly like the fools he took them for, it has emerged.

Cretins who cast their votes for a known and proven liar have been outraged to find that he is lying to them just like the credulous idiots they have proven to be.

Mouth-breather Wayne Hayes said: “I thought I was in on the joke. But it turns out a corrupt Etonian elitist doesn’t hold me, the man on the street in Hartlepool drinking a can of Scrumpy Jack at 11am, in high regard.

“Just because I voted against my best interests by getting him into power doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Why doesn’t he treat my warped, contrarian lizard brain with the ounce of respect it deserves?

“But then again he said this report said he didn’t do it and he’s sorry and I reckon he meant it this time.”

 

[dogmeat]

 

[TravisBickle]

I entered my sons room and said, "Remember boy, masturbating can make you go blind." "I'm over here dad," he replied.

 

[bonespost]

 

[The perfect fumble]

 

[goalmole]

They'd be late to the party.
Marijuana (they call it Bhang) pakoras have been a thing in Pakistan and India since time began.

 

[dickie davies]

 

[Well Wisher]

From the Daily Mash:

THE f**king fools who voted for Johnson are being treated exactly like the fools he took them for, it has emerged.

Cretins who cast their votes for a known and proven liar have been outraged to find that he is lying to them just like the credulous idiots they have proven to be.

Mouth-breather Wayne Hayes said: “I thought I was in on the joke. But it turns out a corrupt Etonian elitist doesn’t hold me, the man on the street in Hartlepool drinking a can of Scrumpy Jack at 11am, in high regard.

“Just because I voted against my best interests by getting him into power doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Why doesn’t he treat my warped, contrarian lizard brain with the ounce of respect it deserves?

“But then again he said this report said he didn’t do it and he’s sorry and I reckon he meant it this time.”

Bollocks, there's no one around here can afford Scrumpy Jack.

 

[ganganvince]

Bollocks, there's no one around here can afford Scrumpy Jack.

Think it's white lightening

 

[knuckles]

Bollocks, there's no one around here can afford Scrumpy Jack.

I bet he was from Middlesbrough on a day trip :)

 

[knuckles]

Think it's white lightening

I once won a white lightening drinking competition in the Royals Club in town, many years ago when the hitman and her were filming, first one to drink 5 pints of the stuff (after an all day drinking session some how we ended up in there), wow that was a rough couple of days recovering. No idea what I won though?

 

[JASR]

I once won a white lightening drinking competition in the Royals Club in town, many years ago when the hitman and her were filming, first one to drink 5 pints of the stuff (after an all day drinking session some how we ended up in there), wow that was a rough couple of days recovering. No idea what I won though?

A night with him or her?

 

[Indaparkside]

I once won a white lightening drinking competition in the Royals Club in town, many years ago when the hitman and her were filming, first one to drink 5 pints of the stuff (after an all day drinking session some how we ended up in there), wow that was a rough couple of days recovering. No idea what I won though?

Did Michaela Strachans false teeth in your y fronts not give it away

 

[dickie davies]