Zubrman
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No wonder your arm is strong.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
A beautiful, well endowed, young lady, goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anyone's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and quickly makes her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the bed.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices the print at the bottom of the paper: "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop" So, the lady calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I've already had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anyone's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and quickly makes her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the bed.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices the print at the bottom of the paper: "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop" So, the lady calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I've already had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
jimharri
Moderator
"I don't know why you bought that laptop. You never use it," said my wife.
She only says that because she checks my browsing history every day.
She only says that because she checks my browsing history every day.
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,367
A beautiful, well endowed, young lady, goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anyone's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and quickly makes her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the bed.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices the print at the bottom of the paper: "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop" So, the lady calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I've already had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
The build up is better than the punchline....
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
A beautiful, well endowed, young lady, goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anyone's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and quickly makes her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the bed.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices the print at the bottom of the paper: "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop" So, the lady calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I've already had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
Quicker version for you, Swifty. Sign in pet shop window saying “Fanny licking Frog”. Woman goes in and rings the bell. Shopkeeper appears. “Bonjour Madame...”The build up is better than the punchline....
Beswick Prize Bands Big Drum
Well-Known Member
Much better.Quicker version for you, Swifty. Sign in pet shop window saying “Fanny licking Frog”. Woman goes in and rings the bell. Shopkeeper appears. “Bonjour Madame...”
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
A 74 year old pastor has become the first person to die after taking Donald Trump's advice to use bleach as a Coronavirus cure. He was taken to hospital where he succumbed after his wife injected him with Domestos.
She has now been charged with causing a bleach of the priest.
She has now been charged with causing a bleach of the priest.
ColinBellsjockstrap
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 23 Dec 2009
- Messages
- 8,487
An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was chatting to the barman when he spotted an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man.
“That’s the Memory Man.” said the barman. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.” So the man goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1980 FA Cup Final?”
“West Ham,” replies the Memory Man.
“Who did they beat?”
“Arsenal,” was the reply.
“And the score?”
“1-0,” he said.
“Who scored the winning goal?”
“Trevor Brooking,” was the old man’s reply.
The tourist was bowled over by this and told everyone back in England about the Memory Man when he returned.
A few years later he went back to the USA on holiday and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian only this time he was older and more wrinkled.
Because he was so impressed, man decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue. He approached him with the greeting “How”.
The Memory Man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!
“That’s the Memory Man.” said the barman. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.” So the man goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1980 FA Cup Final?”
“West Ham,” replies the Memory Man.
“Who did they beat?”
“Arsenal,” was the reply.
“And the score?”
“1-0,” he said.
“Who scored the winning goal?”
“Trevor Brooking,” was the old man’s reply.
The tourist was bowled over by this and told everyone back in England about the Memory Man when he returned.
A few years later he went back to the USA on holiday and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian only this time he was older and more wrinkled.
Because he was so impressed, man decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue. He approached him with the greeting “How”.
The Memory Man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,367
I think we call them "Native Americans" now. I imagined someone from Mumbai or somewhere
TheRemainsOfTheDave
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 16 Mar 2017
- Messages
- 6,491
Some prefer American Indian and therein lies the issue. As tribes moved around they can only claim to be the resident people at the time of European colonisation, not aboriginal or Native. They too could have been conquerors of other people's land prior to that depending on the tribe. How far back do you go?I think we call them "Native Americans" now. I imagined someone from Mumbai or somewhere
It's similar to how some people think football started in 1992.