Joke thread

[dronefromsector7G]

I'll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate. They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten... I knew there and then, she was the one!

 

[Cityfan]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when Liverpool win the premier league."


"You crafty ****!" said the fairy.

Worst ever joke in the covid era

 

[Barcon]

Not even worth nicking.

Just copied it and sent it to my mum and sister just to piss them off.

 

[TheRemainsOfTheDave]

Fucking great

Don't you mean fucking grate?

 

[nmc]

Has anyone got any of those terribly long jokes with no punchlines?

My missus knows a few punchlines... but she forgets the other bits.

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Did you hear about that French cheese factory that exploded... There was nothing left but de brie!

 

[Mr Fraser]

Did you hear about that French cheese factory that exploded... There was nothing left but de brie!

I hope everyone went carefully, lester the bishop might be stinling

 

[Big Swifty]

There was a young lady from Leicester
Who said to the man who careicester
If I were you, Jack,
I'd try round the back
'Cos the front is beginning to feicester

 

[JRockBlues]

I'm terrified of eating German sausages. You could say I fear the wurst.