Joke thread

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

Latest must have toy to hit the shops is a talking muslim doll.

No one has a clue what it says though as they're all too frightened to pull the cord.

 

[Xhavenjoe]

Aguero dies and goes to heaven.

“Who are you?” asks St Pep at the pearly gates.

”Why, I’m Kun Aguero, famous for the 93:20 moment”.

“OK, go over there and sit at God’s left hand”.

Aguero dies and goes to heaven.

“Who are you?” asks St Pep at the pearly gates.

”Why, I’m Kun Aguero, famous for the 93:20 moment”.

Aguero looks over and sees a man in a Messi shirt.
"Nobody told me Messi died and was up in heaven. "

"Oh that's not Messi. That's God He just thinks he's Messi "

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Messi has already said his goodbyes to the Barcelona backroom staff. Just before he left he turned to the the tea ladies and said - "Don't cry for me Marge n' Tina".

 

[Aba452]

Q: what did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

A: put it on my bill.


In honour of little Leo:

Q: what do lawyers wear in court?

A: lawsuits.

Q: what do you call a fish without eyes?

A: a fsh.

Q: what does a shortsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?

A: a wet nose.

Q: what's long, green and smells of fish?

A: Kermit the frog's fingers.


Sorry thought this was the unfunny jokes thread.....

 

[Big Swifty]

Q: what did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

A: put it on my bill.


In honour of little Leo:

Q: what do lawyers wear in court?

A: lawsuits.

Q: what do you call a fish without eyes?

A: a fsh.

Q: what does a shortsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?

A: a wet nose.

Q: what's long, green and smells of fish?

A: Kermit the frog's fingers.


Sorry thought this was the unfunny jokes thread.....

Well, you certainly came up with some

 

[Aba452]

Well, you certainly came up with some

Thought it was obligatory for this thread, mate :)

 

[Indaparkside]

Me and the wife have decided to practice safe sex, I’ve installed a handrail around the bed

 

[ErlingHaaland]

Husband takes his wife to the local disco and there’s a bloke on the dance floor giving it large - breakdancing , moonwalk , back flips , the works . The wife turns to her husband and says “ See that guy ? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down ! “

Husband says “ Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating !! “

 

[Fred_Quimby]

My wife practices oral contraception. She says ‘No’.

 

[KS55]

Now that John Motson has retired, he watches football at home on tv.
He is so in love with the beautiful game that whenever City are on he arms himself with a bowl of chips and has a feast and a wank, finishing off over the chips. Yes, he's still a cum on tater.