Joke thread

Probably posted ages ago, but hey, we're going to smash Spurs tonight so here it is again. Bonus points for formatting?

Three women are chatting in a coffee shop and the first one says: "My gorgeous husband is taking me to Mauritius for three weeks. First class flights, five star accommodation, the works. An incredible no-expense spared holiday."

"Well" says the second woman, "My wonderful husband has just bought me a top of the range Mercedes, just the most beautiful car you could imagine. Every possible extra, no change from three hundred grand."

The third women looks up and says "We don't have much money, but thirteen canaries could perch next to each other on my lovely husband's erect penis."

The first woman feels a bit guilty and then says: "Actually, I have a confession to make, we're really just going to Wales for a week and staying in my sister's caravan".

The second woman, also feeling guilty says: "Well as we're doing confessions, I have one as well, hubby only bought me a second hand Ford Fiesta".

Impressed with the honesty on display the third woman looks up and says "OK then, I guess I too have a confession to make. The thirteenth canary has to stand on one leg."
 
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men
playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.
the woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd
allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
 
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