Joke thread

[balotellishaircut]

The girlfriend just asked me what I was doing on the computer, I said. “ looking for cheap flights “

She got very excited and said “ I love you “

Then got on her knees and gave me the best BJ I’ve ever had, this surprised me as she’s never been interested in darts

 

[knuckles]

I asked my mate, who's a bit thick,
''Everyone has a favourite ABBA song, what's yours?''

He said, ''Take your teeth out.''

''''Take your teeth out?''

''Yeah, its a cracker, ''Take your teeth out, tell me what's wrong.''

You must have known him for a long time, did he tell you that "the way old friends do" or was it Chicken Tikka perhaps?????

 

[balotellishaircut]

My mate said I wasn’t a true Cockney

So I pushed him down the apple and oranges

 

[sir baconface]

I asked my mate, who's a bit thick,
''Everyone has a favourite ABBA song, what's yours?''

He said, ''Take your teeth out.''

''''Take your teeth out?''

''Yeah, its a cracker, ''Take your teeth out, tell me what's wrong.''

WTF. Is this a shit joke or a factual account of Wayne Romney’s latest visit to an old folks’ home?

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB... That was a trip down memory lane.

 

[balotellishaircut]

I looked out of my window in horror last night, as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling “ let me through, let me through “

A woman at the front said “ Thank god for that, are you a Doctor ? “

I said “ No that’s my bloody pizza “

 

[BigJoe#1]

THE 7 DWARFS
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
"Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No,
Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again,
Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
"Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!"

 

[dickie davies]

Here's an old one that I'll repeat

Who is the most unpopular person in German football?

It's the supporter at Borussia Monchengladbach who shouts, "Give us a B"

 

[Indaparkside]

Just seen 2 lepors playing cards one lost so he threw his hand in

His mate failed his driving test left his foot on the accelerator

 

[Mr. Wednesday]