Joke thread

The top 8 things girls should say to men:
1. I'm bored, let's shave me snatch
2. Are you sure you've had plenty to drink?
3. That fart was awesome drop another!
4. Of course I swallow, it's lush
5. No thats ok you watch porn, I'll toss you off after i've done these dishes.
6. Just for a change stick it up me arse.
7. Are you still shagging that girl at work?
8. Marriage? No fucking way!
Sadly, Carlsberg dont do these girlfriends but Thailand does!
 
What do a gold medal, a silver medal, a bronze medal, and a pair of testicles have in common?















they have all rested on Greg Louganis' chest
 
Commentators say it's impossible to knock 5 seconds off your personal best.

Not true, I managed it yesterday whilst watching the beach volleyball and heard the wifes car pulling in the drive.
 
After hearing the BBC were making a documentary, I sent off a photo of the wife. They sent it back. Apparently the show is called The Big Fact hunt!
 
Paddy gets arrested for beating his wife.

The Judge asks "why do you keep beating her?".
Paddy says "I think its my weight advantage,longer reach & superior footwork!".
 
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