jimharri
Moderator
Stoke complete signing of free agent Michael Owen.
A match made in heaven then, as neither like to play football.
A match made in heaven then, as neither like to play football.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
jimharri
Moderator
This morning my dog looked at me and then said (yep, another one of those talking dogs); ''Tell me a joke.''
I replied; ''No, you wouldn't understand the concept of human humour.''
''Oh yeah,'' he whinged. ''Because humans are sooo clever and I'm just a stupid dog.''
''Okay,'' I said. ''Knock knock.''
Then he ran off shouting; ''It's the door, it's door; quick quick; somebody is at the door''.
I replied; ''No, you wouldn't understand the concept of human humour.''
''Oh yeah,'' he whinged. ''Because humans are sooo clever and I'm just a stupid dog.''
''Okay,'' I said. ''Knock knock.''
Then he ran off shouting; ''It's the door, it's door; quick quick; somebody is at the door''.
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,584
50 shades of Birkenhead .
."Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my Lonsdale top would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.""As I stood in line at the Job Centre a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there he was. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Aldi. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love when i could feel the edges of his sovereign ring rubbing the rim of my arsehole and my life would never be the same!"
To be continued,
Not!
."Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my Lonsdale top would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.""As I stood in line at the Job Centre a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there he was. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Aldi. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love when i could feel the edges of his sovereign ring rubbing the rim of my arsehole and my life would never be the same!"
To be continued,
Not!
M
M
manchester blue
Guest
A book fell on my head today. I only have my shelf to blame.
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,584
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
first was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife he gave it a slit.
second was a carpenter, strong and bold,,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
he threw in a fish, and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was Mcgee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a c*nt.
created a pussy to their design.
first was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife he gave it a slit.
second was a carpenter, strong and bold,,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
he threw in a fish, and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was Mcgee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a c*nt.
Bloke takes his dog to a talent contest and its his turn on stage, the bloke says "this is charlie my talking dog,would someone like to ask him a question" ??
A bloke form the audience shouts out " whats on top of a house" charlie replies " ROOF"...with that the audience boo charlie and his embarrassed owner of the stage, In the car on the way home charlie sheepishly looks at his owner and says" with hindsight I feel it would have been more appropriate to have said Chimney "
A bloke form the audience shouts out " whats on top of a house" charlie replies " ROOF"...with that the audience boo charlie and his embarrassed owner of the stage, In the car on the way home charlie sheepishly looks at his owner and says" with hindsight I feel it would have been more appropriate to have said Chimney "
Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 1 Dec 2008
- Messages
- 10,553
Can you believe it?
My Income Tax return form has been sent back to me because, in response to question 4, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?", I replied "2.1 million Illegal Immigrants, 1.1 million Crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 Prisons, plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission."
They said this was not an acceptable answer! So who the hell did I miss out?
My Income Tax return form has been sent back to me because, in response to question 4, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?", I replied "2.1 million Illegal Immigrants, 1.1 million Crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 Prisons, plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission."
They said this was not an acceptable answer! So who the hell did I miss out?
unexpected item
Well-Known Member
Breaking news: Atos find Richard III's scoliotic skeleton 'fit for work'.