Joke thread

bennyblue said:
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got fuckin Allsorts
Click to expand...

sweet9dm838.jpg
 
To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Midddleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a collector's edition of two small jugs.
 
I was watching 'News at Ten' when my son came in the living room and asked me a question.

"Dad, what's a ****?"

I looked at him in shock and asked, "Son, where did you hear that word?"

"At school," he replied.

I thought, oh well, I'm eventually going to have to explain one day. Why not now? So I got up and said, "Follow me, son."

I took him into my bedroom where the wife was sleeping, naked, and threw off the covers. I pointed to the furry mound between her legs.

"You see that, son." He nodded. "That's a vagina. The rest of it's a ****."

BA-DUM-TSS!
 
Why was the washing machine laughing?

Because it was taking the piss out the knickers!
 
My pet mouse blondie topped himself yesterday,
i came home and found him ........hanging on the telephone.
 
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