Joke thread

[hammocity]

Seasonal Greetings, take the advice:

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

Seasonal Greetings, take the advice:

The very fact the second line of the chorus says “it’s only for a day or two” and you’re posting this in November proves the point.

Bah, humbug!

 

[hammocity]

The very fact the second line of the chorus says “it’s only for a day or two” and you’re posting this in November proves the point.

Bah, humbug!

Forewarned is forearmed, I’m on our golf Christmas party this Friday but I agree, humbug, 20 years ago me and Mrs H would be sat around a table of 10/12, this year it’s just us two, dreading it.

 

[Blue Mist]

Forewarned is forearmed, I’m on our golf Christmas party this Friday but I agree, humbug, 20 years ago me and Mrs H would be sat around a table of 10/12, this year it’s just us two, dreading it.

Is her cooking that bad !!!

 

[hammocity]

Is her cooking that bad !!!

It is mate, I do all the cooking and the shopping because she’s pretty bad at that as well!

 

[bluemoon32]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[mrcunny]

Make Xmas more fun by sending out Christmas cards with offensive messages like.
To the **** with the ugly fat mrs and the retarded kids and have a shit xmas.
Then sign it from another neighbour and spread the cheer...

 

[Fred_Quimby]

Well, it made me chuckle.

 

[ray21]

.

 

[johnny crossan]

My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read a thing.

Some chap in the Middle East has found a way of converting landmines into prayer mats and marketing them. Apparently, prophets are going through the roof.

Employer -we're going to be doing random drug testing today.
Employee -OK, but I'm not trying crack.

 

[A57 the snake]

I was at my GP’s today, I told him I think I’ve got pig flu ? He asked how long have the symptoms been ? I replied about six weeeeeeks

 

[A57 the snake]

I was at the GP’s today I told him I think I’m going deaf ? He said what are the symptoms ?
I said it’s a yellow cartoon family what’s that got to do with anything?

 

[KS55]

I was at the GP’s today I told him I think I’m going deaf ? He said what are the symptoms ?
I said it’s a yellow cartoon family what’s that got to do with anything?

Half past parsnips.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

I was at the GP’s today I told him I think I’m going deaf ? He said what are the symptoms ?
I said it’s a yellow cartoon family what’s that got to do with anything?

It's Tuesday

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was at the GP’s today I told him I think I’m going deaf ? He said what are the symptoms ?
I said it’s a yellow cartoon family what’s that got to do with anything?

I've left my bike outside

 

[Lavinda Past]

...

 

[SkyBlueFlux]

I just accepted a new role, heading up the operations of Old Macdonald’s Farm.

I’m the CIEIO.

 

[JRockBlues]