Joke thread

[CityInWashingtonState]

Nope.


Nope.


Sorry but nope.


What are the Mexicans paying for and why?

Not sure if you're unaware of the context - Trump's huge border wall is to be paid for by the Mexicans according to him. He famously makes this statement over and over while stumping to his base. Obviously the Mexicans will never pay for the wall - so it's pretty funny in a very sad sort of way that he keeps saying they will.

 

[Zuriblue]

Over the last few weeks I have burgled 15 flats in Liverpool.

It feels good to have all my stuff back.

 

[BlueMojito]

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep making remarks on her size.
So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

That really made me laugh :-)

 

[BimboBob]

Not sure if you're unaware of the context - Trump's huge border wall is to be paid for by the Mexicans according to him. He famously makes this statement over and over while stumping to his base. Obviously the Mexicans will never pay for the wall - so it's pretty funny in a very sad sort of way that he keeps saying they will.

I am aware of this but still see no joke. Is it in code? Hidden in the text?

 

[CityInWashingtonState]

I am aware of this but still see no joke. Is it in code? Hidden in the text?

Can't help you there bud - you're either a Trump supporter/sympathizer/admirer and can't see the humor or just don't see the joke - either way, can't help you.

 

[BimboBob]

Can't help you there bud - you're either a Trump supporter/sympathizer/admirer and can't see the humor or just don't see the joke - either way, can't help you.

I'm English. Little chance of me being any of the above I'd think.

Still hunting for the joke though. I'll keep looking.

 

[CityInWashingtonState]

I'm English. Little chance of me being any of the above I'd think.

Still hunting for the joke though. I'll keep looking.

There are plenty of racist, nationalistic, supremacists in any society - glad that you're supposedly not a Trump-phile - still, you're being a pretty big dick in this thread for someone who simply doesn't see a joke.

 

[Zubrman]

What does a short skirt use to attract attention?

A hem.

 

[BimboBob]

There are plenty of racist, nationalistic, supremacists in any society - glad that you're supposedly not a Trump-phile - still, you're being a pretty big dick in this thread for someone who simply doesn't see a joke.

That's the spirit. Post another one, I'll see if I laugh or not.

 

[talkativesprout]

Only on Bluemoon can a lovers tiff break out on a Joke thread

 

[tshirtman]

As a child I was abused by a bunch of mime artists.
They did unspeakable things to me.

 

[tshirtman]

Went to the barbers today, I asked him to cut my hair like Tom Cruise.

So he gave me a cushion to sit on !!

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

"hey, City, any chance you can up the wage offer from 250k to 400k per week?"

"no, no...wait! ah sh*t..."

 

[Blue Mist]

As a child I was abused by a bunch of mime artists.
They did unspeakable things to me.

Now that is funny, very funn.

 

[Indaparkside]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer
Put it in the microwave until it's bill withers.
Why are man united fans like rats
Cos your never more than three yards away from one.
I love playing snap with my mate
He's got brittle bone disease.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue by mistake. She is still not talking to me.

 

[bazbarrybazzer]

I told a joke to a cured kleptomaniac. He said he didn't get it.

 

[bumbleblue]

My three year old son was trying to open a yoghurt this morning, after a few minutes he said
“Stupid bastard fucking lid”
My wife , shocked said
“Where’s he got that from?”
I said
“The fridge you daft ****”

 

[talkativesprout]

I told a joke to a cured kleptomaniac. He said he didn't get it.

Put tin foil on your ears and microwave your fucking head...My inner voice said, I said...That is fucking dreadful

 

[jimharri]

Mick walked into the pub and sat on a barstool. He asks the barman for 10 shots of whiskey. The barmansays, “What’s the matter? That's a lot of whiskey.”
Mickreplies, “I found out my brother is gay and is marrying my best friend.”
The next day Mick comes again to the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
The barman asks, “What’s wrong this time?”
Mick says, “I found out that my son is gay.”
The next day Mick comes in the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey.
The barman says, “Christ, doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”
Mick looks up from his drink and says, “Apparently my wife does.”