dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
UEFA
Wanderingwolf
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I slipped away from my wife's bed at the clinic for a quiet word with the doctor. I asked him, "how soon after the procedure will I be able to make love with my wife?"
He replied, "Do you know, that's the first time I've ever been asked that, in all the years I've worked at Dignitas."
He replied, "Do you know, that's the first time I've ever been asked that, in all the years I've worked at Dignitas."
crazyg
Well-Known Member
It's a good job that Yorkie bars aren't made in Goole.
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
I went on a date last night with a hot girl who has eczema... Cracking tits!
Barcon
Well-Known Member
Why do cavemen drag their women by the hair?
So they don't fill up with dirt.
So they don't fill up with dirt.
Vicious111
Well-Known Member
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. The man had no family or friends, and so the service was to be at a paupers cemetery in the Highlands.
As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad, and apologised to the men for being late. I then went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost.
As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad, and apologised to the men for being late. I then went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost.
Man_City_Loyal
Well-Known Member
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. The man had no family or friends, and so the service was to be at a paupers cemetery in the Highlands.
As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad, and apologised to the men for being late. I then went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost.
chuckled
RadcliffeRick
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To me??chuckled
laserblue
Well-Known Member
A bloke arrives home with a box and hands it to his wife. She says excitedly "Is this for me?" He replies that it is.
She opens the box and pulls out the contents. "What is it?" she asks. "It's an artificial vagina" he replies. "What am I supposed to do with his?" she asks.
"Teach it cook and fuck off."
She opens the box and pulls out the contents. "What is it?" she asks. "It's an artificial vagina" he replies. "What am I supposed to do with his?" she asks.
"Teach it cook and fuck off."