Joke thread

[mat]

I swear I've just seen Michael J Fox at my local Garden Centre. Can't be 100% certain though as he had his Back to the Fuchsia...

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Milking the puns?

You oat to know better!

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

bringing it down from the Covid thread.

The Americans have been working on an innovative, drinkable vaccine.

They're calling it BudPfizer.

 

[Bill Walker]

I went to a fancy dress party last night covered in custard and cream.

But when I got there it wasn’t due to start for another hour.

I said “I’m sorry, I’m a trifle early”

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

I went to a fancy dress party last night covered in custard and cream.

But when I got there it wasn’t due to start for another hour.

I said “I’m sorry, I’m a trifle early”

what happened to the jam?

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

what happened to the jam?

Paul Weller wanted a new challenge.

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

Paul Weller wanted a new challenge.

should have tried jelly instead.

 

[sir baconface]

I went to a fancy dress party last night covered in custard and cream.

But when I got there it wasn’t due to start for another hour.

I said “I’m sorry, I’m a trifle early”

I’m fcukin disgusted.

 

[Bill Walker]

what happened to the jam?

Traffic was bad but soon cleared.

 

[Zubrman]

Traffic was bad but soon cleared.

Aye, they broke up in 1974.

 

[kippax4ever]

Except the fire is a training aid for the local firefighters. Not a real house fire.

Was Bruce son In attendance for this.

 

[Blue Mist]

I’m fcukin disgusted.

That's what I told Mrs Mist when she caught me with my dick in the trifle.

 

[sir baconface]

That's what I told Mrs Mist when she caught me with my dick in the trifle.

I’ll tee them up...

 

[Big Swifty]

That's what I told Mrs Mist when she caught me with my dick in the trifle.

I had my dick in the biscuit tin - I was told "You're fucking crackers"

 

[Blue Mist]

I had my dick in the biscuit tin - I was told "You're fucking crackers"

I had my dick in a dwarf who kept laughing. I was told 'you're fucking happy'

 

[r.soleofsalford]

I had my dick in a dwarf who kept laughing. I was told 'you're fucking happy'

I`ve been told I`m fucking grumpy, mostly by people who know my wife.

 

[maccieblue]

bringing it down from the Covid thread.

The Americans have been working on an innovative, drinkable vaccine.

They're calling it BudPfizer.

drinkable and bud shouldnt be in the same sentance

 

[sir baconface]

I had my dick in the biscuit tin - I was told "You're fucking crackers"

My technique is obviously better. I was told I was fcuking Nice.

 

[Zubrman]

My technique is obviously better. I was told I was fcuking Nice.

I heard you were both fucking jammy dodgers.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

drinkable and bud shouldnt be in the same sentance

Nowt wrong with Buds, Beer of the Gods.