Joke thread

[bluebc]

 

[bluebc]

 

[bluebc]

 

[bluebc]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Dicko69]

 

[knuckles]

My New Year resolution
I've decided to be less condescending to people from now on.
(Condescending means talking down to people like they're stupid)

 

[Platt Lane 59]

I thought I was on the T.V. programme "The Voice", this morning.
I farted on the bus to work and 4 people turned around...

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[knuckles]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[JRockBlues]

My New Year's resolution this year was to give up sexual inuendo's. I gave up though as it was just too hard.

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

My partner has complained that I never buy her flowers...

I didn't even know she sold flowers...

 

[SPIDERBOY]

Bumped into the ex wife in the pub on New Years Day,we've been split up for 10 years now.
During conversation she asked me "how many women I'd slept with"?
I said "only you,all the others have kept me up all night,shagging".

 

[knuckles]

 

[blue44]

I was a bit bevvied in a nightclub last night
I spotted this gorgeous brunette
I thought fk it,chatted her up and being a bit cheeky
asked her " do you smoke after you've made love ? "
She went went mad and said " none of your business, Do You ? "

I replied

" I don't know, I never look "