Joke thread

[ali benarbia's studs]

Now fart and give us a clue

If she was in a jacuzzi, it would only need a tablespoon of water....

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Mi dad once gave me a pair of rifles. i asked him if he'd been putting glue on the triggers. He said he hadn't but I'm sticking to my guns.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I covered myself in creosote earlier today… No particular reason, just thought I'd treat myself!

 

[Blue Mist]

I presume those that post in the Nicola Bulley thread don't come in here.

 

[Barcon]

I presume those that post in the Nicola Bulley thread don't come in here.

is your bike outside?

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I presume those that post in the Nicola Bulley thread don't come in here.

Why?

 

[trumpton]

There aren't many jokes on this thread. It's mostly just funny pics.
Just in case you still don't get it. The dog has alerted the other dogs that he has a good hand by waging his tail. The other dogs see this and fold.

Glad you explained that. I thought it was a naked female and they wanted her to fold so she would put her hands down and they could therefore see her tits. I need a lie down!

 

[Blue Mist]

Why?

Because the sanctimonious posters who were oh so upset about black humour on that thread don't mind it on here.

 

[sir baconface]

I've just had to shut my new business down. it was a dating site for chickens. I just couldn't make hens meet.

Not enough cock?

 

[Aguerooooooo93:20]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[J.G.Blue.]

I covered myself in creosote earlier today… No particular reason, just thought I'd treat myself!

I backed a horse called Creosote in the Grand National one year, I thought it would be good over fences.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Big Swifty]

Not true.
A good wank beats anything.

Reminds me of one I heard in the 1960s......

A guy is marooned on a desert island after his boat goes down. His only enjoyment comes from pleasuring himself, but after a while he can't raise a stiffie, much to his despair.

One day he scans the horizon and suddenly cries out "A ship! A ship! I'm saved!" He starts to think of what he'lldo when he gets home. He decides to go out for a proper slap-up meal, buy some smart new gear and find a woman to shag. At this, his todger gives a little twitch.

Then he thinks "Forget the slap-up meal, I'll get my new gear and go out and give this woman a good seeing-to". Whereupon his prick rises up a bit more. So he says "Bugger the new gear! I've got a wardrobe full of smart kit at home. I'll go straight out and find myself a blonde who'll give me the lot."

Now his old man stands up tall and proud, at which point he grabs it hard and says "Got you, you bugger! And not a ship in sight!"

 

[Aguerooooooo93:20]

 

[Aguerooooooo93:20]

 

[NatalieM008]

During the 2nd half of the Champions League Final Alex Ferguson remonstrated with the 4th official to introduce a ball. Confused the official told Alex that there was already one on the pitch to which Ferguson replied,'I know but Barcelona are using that one!'

I love this one

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]