Joke thread

[aguero93:20]

View attachment 86230

What a cow.

 

[blue44]

 

[Uwe Already]

I was really surprised when my local stationary shop moved…

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen.

All I said was "Come on hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to"

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Stuuuuuu]

View attachment 86181

PLEASE tell me Mr Tumble isn't a nonce...!

 

[chris63]

Just heard my local Muslim optician has died.


Asif Eyecare

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[SCEtoAUX]

View attachment 85797

I cut up a memory foam mattress and made this:

 

[bonespost]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Last week I went to the gym for the first time in a long time.

I asked a very muscular trainer, "Excuse me, but which one of these machines will help you get the best looking women?"

He said, "The ATM outside."



I went to the doctor's yesterday and told him I was suffering from premature ejaculation

The doctor said " this must be very stressful for your wife?"

"To be honest" I replied, "it's getting on her tits"



I looked out of the window in horror at the crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist - then I rushed outside.

"Let me through!" I yelled.

"Oh, thank God," said someone, "are you a doctor?"

"No," I replied, "that's my f

king pizza."



A mate of mine has a really bad stutter...by the time he had told us his Nanna had died we were all singing Hey Jude.



I boarded a bus and just to be sure said to the conductor "Does this bus go to Bradford?!

He said "No Leeds"

I said "It says Bradford on the front"

He replied "It says India on the tyres, but we're not going there"

 

[goalmole]

I cut up a memory foam mattress and made this:
View attachment 86381

Foamhenge.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I boarded a bus and just to be sure said to the conductor "Does this bus go to Bradford?!

He said "No Leeds"

I said "It says Bradford on the front"

He replied "It says India on the tyres, but we're not going there"

I boarded a bus and asked the female conductor how much it was to Oldham. She sad £1.50.

I asked her how much it was to hold one of them.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I boarded a bus and asked the female conductor how much it was to Oldham. She sad £1.50.

I asked her how much it was to hold one of them.

A National Express driver approached said town's coach depot.

"Oldham", he shouted.

15 minutes later, as he left....

"Let 'em go"











I'm very, very sorry