Joke thread

dickie davies said:
A mother is having a bath and her young son walks into the bathroom, stares at her and then points to her pubic hair
"What's that?"he asks
"My sponge " his mother replied

Next time she's in the bath her son comes in, points and says "I can see your sponge"

The mother is slightly embarrassed now and decides to shave all her pubic hair off

Next time she's in the bath her son comes in, points and says "Where's your sponge?"
His mum replied "I've lost it"

He leaves the bathroom and just as she's drying herself, the boy bursts back through the door shouting "mum, mum I've found your sponge"
"Oh yes" she replied "where is it?"

"Mrs Smith next door is washing Dad's face with it"
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When I was a young lad we had a tin bath (that bits true btw) so on a Sunday night I'd share a bath with my dad in the front room. I pointed to his nether regions and said "what's that hairy thing in between your legs Dad? He replied "it's my hedgehog son"

I said "fucking hell, it's got a massive cock hasn't it?"
 
A true story, when I was about 4 I apparently asked my Dad what holding two fingers up meant. My old fella who looked after us whilst my mum was working evenings said it was a rude word, he wouldn't tell me but I wouldn't stop asking him. Eventually he said, "ok I'll tell you but you mustn't ever say the phrase" explaining it meant "fuck off" stopped my incessant questioning.

So later in the evening my mum arrived home from work, my dad said "it's time for bed son, I replied "fuck off, I'm not tired".

My dad said in later years him and my mum couldn't contain their laughter as I was sent to bed.

Ironic thing was my mum passed 5 years ago and I never once swore in her company and I never heard her swear until the night she died. She was in Hospital and an overweight auxiliary nurse passed her bed, she said "there's some right fat buggers that work here"!
 
its a Barm said:
Ha ha why did we call them jonnies back in the day.
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The origin of the term 'Johnnie' dates back to 17th century Britain, when people started referring to condom packages as “John Milles” or “Johnny Mills”. People did this in honour of John Milles, who ran an apothecary shop in London and sold condoms.
 
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