Joke thread

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now and can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my head."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
 
A luxury cruise ship was being buffeted by a violent storm. Suddenly, a beautiful young girl was swept overboard. A middle aged man yelled, "that's my daughter! I'm a billionaire, if any man is brave enough to save her, he can marry her and inherit my wealth!"


But no one moved. The waves were to large and none of the men on board wanted to risk it. But just as the girl was about to go under, a 90 year old passenger jumped into the water, swam over to the girl, and with the help of a rope the other passengers threw to him, pulled her back on board to safety.

The billionaire said, "I'm as good as my word. You may marry my daughter and you don't even have to wait for my money, I will give it all to you right now."

The man said, "Actually, I'm already married, and I'm very well off myself and don't need your money. I just want to know one thing. Who pushed me?"
 
Lavinda Past said:
Her 4th wedding

An 88-year-old was being interviewed on the local news station after getting married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman said. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She told him she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster in her 40s, later on a preacher in her 60s, and now the funeral director.

The interviewer asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and said, “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.”
Click to expand...
Groan!
 
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