Joke thread

A drunken Irishman was walking home late at night from the pub and thought he'd take a short cut across the graveyard. He'd always found the place a bit scary by day but in the full moonlight casting long shadows and the hooting owls and bats it was even worse. Suddenly he heard a harsh scraping noise and it was getting closer and noisier. He gave a sigh of relief as he saw a hunched figure in work clothing planing the sides of the burial cask. The figure turned revealing a grinning skeleton with yellowing fangs screaming "Bastards spelled my name wrong "
 
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not, Muldoon; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Would ya’ be thinkin’ €5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me your dog was Catholic?
 
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