Joke thread

[NorCalBlue]

My mate has just got a job as a postman after being out of work for 18 months. I'm really pleased for him...at least it'll keep him off the streets.

Is he working in the sorting office then?

 

[ray21]

Please help.

 

[NZBlue]

Highlight the bit you want translated and then right click and click "translate to English"

Is there an equivalent "translate to humour" option for some of the posts on here?

 

[Uwe Already]

 

[Blue Llama]

That's really triggered me Bill...

I suspect you don't know that I'm an orphan.

Aren't most of us on here?

 

[Dicko69]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Aren't most of us on here?

Is that what the 'O' stands for in FOC...?

 

[Lavinda Past]

Be careful out there people! There are these scammers over at the Asda car park.

Two beautiful young thinly dressed ladies in their twenties have been approaching lone men and asking for help.

The ladies lead them back to their car which turns out to be a van. They entice them inside and one of the girls takes of her top and starts dancing and groping the man, and while he is distracted the other one steals his wallet.

They're very convincing... In fact, I fell for this scam on Wednesday, Thursday, again on Saturday and twice on Sunday.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A man approached me in the street and said, "portent, omen, prophecy, premonition"

I think he was using sign language

 

[kippaxneil]

My mate has recently joined DFS as a manager. He says that he's only been there for 3 weeks and he already feels part of the furniture.