Joke thread

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[kippaxneil]

Just bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands whilst in the Trafford Centre.
Well, I say 'bought'...I actually stole it off a short, fat, ginger kid.

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

PIZZA GUY: Your total is £26.50

**ME:** I can’t afford that

**PIZZA GUY:** Well.... you’ll have to find some other way to pay...

**ME: [takes out wallet]** Wait... I forgot I still had £30.

**PORN DIRECTOR:** Cut! [throws script on the floor]

 

[Lavinda Past]

What's the difference between Eric Clapton and Ronnie O'Sullivan...?

One plays an electric guitar and the other a cue stick.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I tripped up over a box of Kleenex and had to go to hospital for x-rays.

Fortunately it was just soft tissue damage.

 

[johnny crossan]

756K views · 12K reactions | A classic Brian Clough story We need Crossley on ASAP #brianclough #premierleague #football #podcast #FCBULLARD | FC Bullard

A classic Brian Clough story We need Crossley on ASAP #brianclough #premierleague #football #podcast #FCBULLARD.

www.facebook.com

 

[Lavinda Past]

People get confused converting kilograms into pounds. It's simple.

Take the weight you want to convert, say 1.7kg, and google what it is in pounds.

 

[JRockBlues]

So, I came across a homeless person the other day, begging on a street corner. Being in a giving mood, I offered him a choice between $10, or a giant sandwich. The guy looked at the money, then the sandwich, the money again and the sandwich again.... Then all of a sudden he screamed, and ran off. I was stunned for a moment but then suddenly realized...

Beggars can't be choosers.