kippaxneil
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 May 2007
- Messages
- 316
They say that laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Depends who is laughing.
bumbleblue
Well-Known Member
You can’t have a murder of crows without probable caws
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
The man who made the first chickpea dip never got recognition until after death…
He got a posthummus award
He got a posthummus award
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A bloke asked his wife to dress up as his favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.
He walked into the bedroom that night and he was shocked and said, "Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character"
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
He walked into the bedroom that night and he was shocked and said, "Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character"
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
That's an hideous carbuncle
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
This simple maths test can accurately predict your favourite film.
- Pick a number between 1 and 9.
- Multiply by 3
- Add 3 to that number
- Multiply by 3 again
- Add the two digits together
Now discover your favourite film!
1. Oliver Twist
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. Gone with the Wind
4. Star Wars
5. Jaws
6. The Godfather
7. Citizen Kane
8. Pulp Fiction
9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Sheep and Oiled-Up Grandpas
10. Forrest Gump
- Pick a number between 1 and 9.
- Multiply by 3
- Add 3 to that number
- Multiply by 3 again
- Add the two digits together
Now discover your favourite film!
1. Oliver Twist
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. Gone with the Wind
4. Star Wars
5. Jaws
6. The Godfather
7. Citizen Kane
8. Pulp Fiction
9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Sheep and Oiled-Up Grandpas
10. Forrest Gump
My maths is shite but they're right I love the Godfather
lefty goldblatt
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 1 Jul 2012
- Messages
- 6,714
Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
How dare you call a guy who copies and pastes jokes for our enjoyment a plagiarist! Oh, wait…
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
It's hard graft, but someone has to do it.
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
So it's not just me then !!
Grassland Blue
Well-Known Member
Oprah goes to the doctors'.
"What seems to be the trouble?", he asks.
"Well I've got a bit of a bad throat".
"Ok. Well I want you to take off all your clothes and kneel over there by the big Yucca", he says.
"Ok, now go and kneel underneath the window", he instructs.
"Right, thank you", says the doctor.
"You can get dressed again now and I will prescribe a short course of anti-biotics for you".
"Oh, and you had me strip off and kneel down to make that diagnosis?"
The Dr. laughs and says, "No, no. That had nothing to do with my assessment of your ailment, but between you and me I am taking delivery of a new sofa next week and I wanted a rough idea of how it would look....."
"What seems to be the trouble?", he asks.
"Well I've got a bit of a bad throat".
"Ok. Well I want you to take off all your clothes and kneel over there by the big Yucca", he says.
"Ok, now go and kneel underneath the window", he instructs.
"Right, thank you", says the doctor.
"You can get dressed again now and I will prescribe a short course of anti-biotics for you".
"Oh, and you had me strip off and kneel down to make that diagnosis?"
The Dr. laughs and says, "No, no. That had nothing to do with my assessment of your ailment, but between you and me I am taking delivery of a new sofa next week and I wanted a rough idea of how it would look....."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A girl gets invited on a date... "Mum, can I go to the movies with my friend Todd?”
“What kind of movie are you going to see?" said her mother.
"A horror movie," the girl said.
"No, you can't," said the mother.
"Well, what about a romantic movie ?" the girl asked
"You can’t,” her mother replied. “You’ll start kissing.”
"Well, what about a comedy?” asked the daughter.
"That’s fine,”said her mother.
When her daughter came home from the cinema, her mother asked “How was it?”
The girl said, “It was really funny! If Todd hadn't kept his hand between my legs, I would’ve peed myself!”
“What kind of movie are you going to see?" said her mother.
"A horror movie," the girl said.
"No, you can't," said the mother.
"Well, what about a romantic movie ?" the girl asked
"You can’t,” her mother replied. “You’ll start kissing.”
"Well, what about a comedy?” asked the daughter.
"That’s fine,”said her mother.
When her daughter came home from the cinema, her mother asked “How was it?”
The girl said, “It was really funny! If Todd hadn't kept his hand between my legs, I would’ve peed myself!”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I've just found out that Bob the Builder isn't British..
He's Corsican
He's Corsican
Maintainin
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 Sep 2009
- Messages
- 9,247
Really tried my best not to laugh at this, then succumbed rather loud n unashamedly.
:-)
Mid Wales blue
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- Joined
- 30 Jan 2017
- Messages
- 4,887
Didn’t even need the test, number 9, all the way ;-)