Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Yvette Cooper has said that she won't set a timetable for stopping the boats.

However, officially unlicensed people smugglers have confirmed they will continue at ten past and twenty to the hour, but ask travellers to check for reduced service at weekends and bank holidays.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I just finished reading a book about fancy basements.

It was a best cellar.

 

[TinFoilHat]

Yvette Cooper has said that she won't set a timetable for stopping the boats.

However, officially unlicensed people smugglers have confirmed they will continue at ten past and twenty to the hour, but ask travellers to check for reduced service at weekends and bank holidays.

Rail replacement boats will be in place on boxing day.

 

[Lavinda Past]

For the first time in her life my missus was stunned into silence last night.

Aren't tasers great!

 

[Lavinda Past]

Strictly Come Dancing

First a deaf girl wins
Then a blind guy wins

Favourite to win next year.. Helen Keller

 

[Lavinda Past]

Having sex is like riding a bike

People get upset when you do it on the pavement

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our council is shutting down the local community art class due to budget cuts

I don't mind them closing the other community groups, but the art class is where I draw the line

 

[Lavinda Past]

Did you know it takes three sheep to knit a Christmas jumper?

I never knew they could knit.

 

[SCEtoAUX]

Probably posted earlier, but once again it's time for a fat bloke dressed in red to put in his yearly shift.

Over to you Luke Shaw.

 

[Don Karleone]

Us at the moment.