Joke thread

[Vienna_70]

The village idiot was sitting by a water trough, with a fishing rod and the line in the water.

A passer-by saw him, and asked, "Have you caught anything today?"

"Yeah, you’re the fifth one."

 

[bluemanchester]

 

[Zubrman]

View attachment 141826

Ha ha hah!!!!!

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[JASR]

Dad joke made up on the spot during chat over Christmas dinner…after the appalling cracker jokes... The chat was about our cat and the neighbourhood cats coming visiting and trying the cat flap to get our cat to come out to play…

‘The cats are probably coming round to convert our cat to religion’
‘What?!?’
‘Yes, they’re probably Jehovah’s whiskas’

 

[Bri1975]

 

[KS55]

My Christmas joke. We were playing charades and the answer had to be on a Christmas theme.
I did an exaggerated flounce followed by a kiss my fingers ‘perfect’ sign.
Nobody solved it……… Mince pie.

 

[kippaxneil]

Been struggling to wean myself off my addiction to Christmas leftovers gradually.
Think I'm just going to have to go cold turkey.

 

[MCFCTrick]

 

[Casey69]

Did you hear about the mafia hitman who lived in a hole?
He was roofless !

 

[lefty goldblatt]

View attachment 141881

You missed out Ruuuubeeee fucking Turnerrrrr.
He sees more of her, than his own wife

 

[jimharri]

Good to see that, despite it being a new year, the same standards are being upheld.

 

[sir baconface]

Good to see that, despite it being a new year, the same standards are being upheld.

It’s good that you appreciate the effort that goes into maintaining such consistency….

 

[jimharri]

It’s good that you appreciate the effort that goes into maintaining such consistency….

But of course. You need to recognise excellence when it comes along.


Which I'm sure I will. When it comes along!

 

[Grassland Blue]

An exhausted nurse walks into a bank at the end of a long shift.
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her bag and goes to write a cheque with it.
Then she realises and exclaims loudly, "Oh no, some arsehole has got my pen!"

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Hertzblue]

Thank you all for your messages of concern but I am fine .