Joke thread

[mcfcphil]

Knock
Knock
Knock knock
Knock knock knock
Knock knock Knock knock knock

'who's there?'

Fibonacci

That joke should raise the roof

 

[noseve]

Pheidippides was the messenger tasked with running the 25 miles from Marathon to Athens to deliver news of the victory over the Persians in 490 BC.

Sadly, immediately after giving his message, he collapsed of exhaustion and died on the spot.

With the benefit of hindsight, the gorilla costume may have been a mistake...

 

[noseve]

"Special offer - 3 nights on the Isle of Wight, free ferry included"

Honestly, with my little garden - where the fuck am I supposed to keep that?

 

[KS55]

Knock
Knock
Knock knock
Knock knock knock
Knock knock Knock knock knock

'who's there?'

Fibonacci

Wasn’t he a famous gay singer/pianist?

 

[forlorn hope]

 

[noseve]

My dad told me this joke in 1959, and it wasn’t new then.

So, late 1959, then?

 

[Willo the Wisp]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

 

[jimharri]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

They do have a distinct accent, don't they. It's a pity, but that joke will sail miles over the heads of most posters on here.

 

[SCEtoAUX]

Just saw a bloke walking down our local high street with a pack of cards held between his arse cheeks. Turns out he's a local crack dealer.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

I’ll translate for you then.
“Do boy”pronounced ‘Du Bai’ in Corkanese.

 

[JRockBlues]

Swimming with sharks sure is expensive. It cost me an arm and a leg!

 

[MCFCTrick]

View attachment 155862

Can't beat Larson and his Far Side stuff.

 

[KS55]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

Yes, they say the Cork accent and way of expressing oneself is one of the weirdest things in Ireland and this “joke” proves it. Dubliner colleagues of mine could not understand a word our resident Corkman said.

 

[Vienna_70]

I’ll translate for you then.
“Do boy”pronounced ‘Du Bai’ in Corkanese.

I actually worked it out, without the explanation.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

I actually worked it out, without the explanation.

Top of the class.

 

[citizen_maine]

I actually worked it out, without the explanation.

It wasn't really that difficult, but then...I've got my bike outside

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Yes, they say the Cork accent and way of expressing oneself is one of the weirdest things in Ireland and this “joke” proves it. Dubliner colleagues of mine could not understand a word our resident Corkman said.

I’d say if you were subjected to a real North inner city Dublin accent too, you’d be lost.
The driftie crackhead scumbags sound like a scooter revving up at the start of every sentence;
Nnnnnyyyyyeahhhh! Story bud?

 

[Blue Mist]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

I'm glad your coat was nearby.
Hopefully, so was the taxi.
The plane to Outer Mongolia
And the salt mine you arrived at*


* watch some fucker post that there are no salt mines in OMG.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

First time posting on this thread - so I will keep the coat nearby. To understand this joke it helps to be Irish and even better if you're a Corkonian
Years ago a Corkman went to the Middle East to find some work, while going from site to site on the seafront he notices a young boy struggling in the water and being a Corkman he jumps in and rescues him. The boys father is a wealthy Sheik, and is overcome with gratitude to the Corkman and says to him
"With your permission, can I name my Emirate after what you suggest"
Corkman "Do Boy"

Surely a Cork man jumping in the water would be called Bob.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Surely a Cork man jumping in the water would be called Bob.

He was a Cork bouy!


My coats on.
G’dluck!