Joke thread

[blue44]

for those sprouts at christmas

 

[blue44]

 

[nellyonthewing]

A tourist was on holiday in Transylvania and late one evening he decided to go for a walk in the local park. He hadn't gone far when he heard a noise from some nearby bushes. He was about to investigate but before he could do so, a man with elongated, blood stained incisor teeth sprung out. He jumped on the tourist's back and was about to sink his fangs into the would be victim's neck when he was suddenly hit on the temple by three stale sausage rolls. Those were quickly followed by a dozen hard boiled eggs, two large and out of date pork pies, half a dozen jacket potatoes and a big chunk of mature cheddar cheese, all of which found their target. The attacker collapsed in a heap on the floor and didn't move. Four youths appeared and introduced themselves as Guardians of the park with a mission to protect walkers from attacks by Dracula. The tourist thanked them for saving his life and they went on their way. The next day, the newspapers were cock-a-hoop that this menace would never harm people again with a headline that read......."Buffet, the Vampire Slayer"

Boom boom

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[i kne albert davy]

Got stopped by Police last night as part of their Christmas drink driving campaign, when the WPC said to me "how many drinks have you had in the last 24 hours," apparently not enough to shag you was the wrong answer. Can anyone give me a lift home from custody please.

 

[CambridgeExileBlue]

One for the art lovers,Munch.
View attachment 64153

Probably just ‘S-creamed’ his pants.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village water. It didn’t go down well.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

At this time of year, as the family gathers, we raise our glasses to Mum, up there, looking down on us… We really must get that stairlift fixed!

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

At this time of year, as the family gathers, we raise our glasses to Mum, up there, looking down on us… We really must get that stairlift fixed!

See the crackers have been used in your house