Joke thread

[bridgeno1]

These 2 ladies are Keith Richards' daughters. When they die he will inherit everything.

 

[NZBlue]

80s singer Yazz recently got a job as a lift attendant.

She wasn't very good though.

I knew her boyfriend. She never went down on him

 

[Zuriblue]

I've been looking at the World Cup Group Stages. It appears that England will kick off at

9 pm v Croatia
9 pm v Ghana
10 pm v Panama

Scotland will kick off at

11 pm v Haiti
2 am v Morocco
11 pm, 11:05 pm 11:22 pm, 12:19 am, 12:33 am and 12:36 am v Brazil

 

[Grassland Blue]

If that guy thinks that's the most offensive Christmas song, I'd recommend he looks up the Macc Lads' version of the Live Aid Do They Know It's Christmas, titled Feed Your Face ;-)

Mickey Methane is an acquaintance of mine......

 

[Grassland Blue]

The more time I spend in Yorkshire, the less and less convinced I become that the wise men came from the East.

The definition of a Yorkshireman is, a Scotsman with the generosity ripped out of him!

 

[Vienna_70]

Gilbert O'Sullivan went into his local bank.

After he’d left, one of the tellers asked the manager what he’d wanted.

"A loan again, naturally."

 

[bladdered]

 

[Paul Moulden's Golden Balls]

Gilbert O'Sullivan went into his local bank.

After he’d left, one of the tellers asked the manager what he’d wanted.

"A loan again, naturally."

Heard that on Boom radio today, made me chuckle.

 

[Vienna_70]

Heard that on Boom radio today, made me chuckle.

That’s where I got it from

:-D

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Sam101]

[Walks into bookstore]



Me: Do you have any books on turtles?





Worker: Hard back?





Me: Yeah, with little heads.

 

[sir baconface]

Ay up. Who’s never been guilty of this little prank? :-D

 

[Casey69]

Guy goes to the docs, says he’s having a problem with his knob!
Doc says drop your pants and I will have a look.
The guy has a bright yellow knob with green puss oozing out!
Doc says how the hell as that happened? Guy says no idea I just sit at home all day watching porn and eating cheesey wotsits !

 

[bonespost]

 

[mrbelfry]

What's the saddest coffee?

Depresso

 

[Uwe Already]

What's the saddest coffee?

Depresso

What’s the fastest coffee? Ok, let’s stop there

 

[KS55]

What’s the fastest coffee? Ok, let’s stop there

What’s the smallest coffee?


Compresso

 

[mosssideblue]